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Is Stephen Colbert A Time Traveling Nazi Vampire?

Topics: Politics | 5 CommentsBy admin | September 19, 2010

Beware, liberal intellectual America. You may THINK you’re being entertained by clever satire, but you’re about to be duped by one of the most elaborate Nazi/Communist/Vampire cons in history.

Is nothing sacred any more? Before the teabags on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial had even had a chance to cool, that dastardly, time traveling, Nazi vampire Stephen Colbert launched his plan to desecrate the sacred location of the Martin Luther King “I Have A Dream” speech of 1963 Glenn Beck Restoring Honor March of 2010. But wait. How do we know Colbert is a Nazi? Well, the reasoning is simple. Everyone who is not Glenn Beck is a Nazi. Stephen Colbert is not Glenn Beck. Therefore, Stephen Colbert MUST BE A NAZI. Which is where it gets interesting. Because you may have noticed that Glenn Beck has never called Colbert a Nazi. That’s because he IS a Nazi, and Glenn Beck only calls things that aren’t Nazis, Nazi. Which is the genius of the whole plan, because Glenn Beck is in fact – in spite of his brilliant portrayal of himself as an angry, megalomaniacal, Nazi-hating dry drunk and a Mormon – a Nazi himself! Or at least a homosexual Nazi blood elf, anyway. Beck’s “Restoring Honor” march was just part of Colbert’s labyrinthine master plan to fool the few remaining disgruntled Americans who have not joined the tea party movement (i.e., those with an IQ over 83) into joining his movement, the Nazi Vampire Movement. Employing the witty, charming, and Jewish Jon Stewart as his supposed nemesis is just another part of his ingenious plan. As Colbert has said himself, Stewart’s platform of restoring reason is just one letter away from restoring treason. Aside from the obvious conclusion to be reached from the facts above, we also have photographic evidence. See the photo below (submitted by an anonymous tipster) of Colbert, fangs extended, and laughing in his SS uniform. Plus, there’s the simple fact that Colbert has yet to deny the allegation that he is a TIME TRAVELING NAZI VAMPIRE. Beware, snobbishly intellectual anti-tea party America, you about to facilitate the socialist, communist, vampire takeover of your country.

This segment in which Colbert pokes fun at Beck is just part of the elaborate smokescreen:

This clearly unretouched photo is all the evidence we need to confirm that Stephen Colbert is indeed a Time Traveling Nazi Vampire. And a happy one at that.

This coup will be brought to you by the good folks at Commie Central

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Mike on 09.20.10 9:51 am

    this is hilarious! nice job.

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