« | Home | »

We Are All Prostitutes – Everyone Has Their Price

Topics: Editorial & Opinion | Add A CommentBy admin | August 23, 2010

And ours is pretty low. Learn how you can peddle influence and curry favor with Dissociated Press for as little as five dollars.

This is not a prostitute. This is a Hooker.

We talk a lot about the demise of journalistic integrity here on Dissociated Press. We in fact probably contribute to it daily with our shoddy writing, weak fact checking, re-purposing of content, and lack of an actual editor. In spite of our concern about this issue, that doesn’t mean we don’t like making money, which is why we’re launching a funding drive. In the interest of transparency and serving the public good, we’ve created some donor levels so that you can know exactly where your donations are going, and feel good about them. This whole scenario could of course have been avoided if more people would show support for our sponsors by clicking on their links once in awhile, or buying the amazing things we recommend on Amazon or iTunes, but no. Our content is our gift to the world that didn’t ask for it. Unfortunately, as our traffic grows, our hosting company’s bill is their gift to us. Learn below how easy it would be to rent, own, or pwn us.

Paywall Prevention – $5-$100


This is a paywall

Whenever Rupert Murdoch manages to convince the ignorant masses to pay for news on the web, we’ll be certain to follow the herd. Unless of course, you show your contempt for this idea with a paltry donation. We don’t guarantee that just because a few of you donate at this level that we won’t hide behind a paywall at the first opportunity, but we’ll be sure to feel a moment of remorse about your good intentions and how they ultimately meant nothing.

Paid Shill – $100-$1000

Dick Morris, Paid Shill

This is a paid shill

For a measly few hundred bucks, we’ll gladly sell out all our integrity for a single adformation infotisement, pitching your deadly product or corrupt political idea with a sincere voice in the copy, and heartfelt comments posted by (bogus) readers. This is quite a value. With most publications, you have to maintain an annoying level of courtesy toward the journalist or author, even after you’ve bribed them with anonymous cash drops and perks like event access and front row seats at press conferences. We just want your money. Hell, we don’t even LIKE press conferences.

Spin Machine – $1000 -$10,000

Spin Machine
This is a spin machine
For as little as a thousand dollars we’ll turn over complete editorial and content control of the site to you for periods of a week or more. Much like Fox News does with the Tea Party and the GOP, or CNN does with the Dems. If you have any kind of influence in the real world and can score us concert tickets, free dinners, and access to face time with Sandra Bullock, we can even talk about an actual “friendship” and ongoing support of whatever product or idea you’re peddling. We’re limiting this to a one-time offer for a term of no greater than ten weeks. We figure we can actually get MORE traffic bad-mouthing you after our “harrowing experience with your deceiptful practices”, and escape untarnished. But only once. People are gullible, but not THAT gullible.

Media Moghul – $10,000+

Rupert Murdoch

Be your own mini-Rupert

For ten grand or more, you could be the next Rupert Murdoch Mini Me. Think of it! Tens of thousands of people reading whatever you want to say, and to deliver your message, a staff of… well, NONE, ’cause I’m out of here the minute I cash the check. But don’t fret, Demand Media has proven that there’s an army of low-price hacks out there willing to write about just about anything, and for almost nothing! If you look at the “donor levels” above, this is probably your best value. The difference between owning and renting hangs in the balance at a mere TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. To be clear about this though, I’m not offering the site for sale at ten grand. Are you nuts? But if I named a higher figure, you wouldn’t even start a dialogue. Especially if you’re some porn site developer just looking for raw traffic.