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Valentines Day & Love Is Like Christmas At The Mall & Jesus

Topics: Holidays | Add A CommentBy admin | February 1, 2010

Valentine’s Day is more than a Hallmark holiday, it’s a time of fear, hope, rejection, and opportunistic product links.

Let your man know how you feel, with
a Power Gauge Erectile Quality Monitor

I’m glad I’m not a romantic Chinese Catholic guy who lives in New Orleans; this February would be a rough month with Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, and Ash Wednesday all falling in the same week. Yes, after the almost holiday-free month of January, the holidays dig back in with a vengeance in February. As always, there are opportunistically scheduled health awareness programs with no clever marketing plans, like American Heart Month, which is presumably scheduled to coincide somehow with Valentine’s Day. Or Sinus Pain Awareness Month, which is scheduled to coincide with… oh. Never mind. As someone who occasionally experiences sinus pain, I just want to say I’d prefer not to have a whole month to make me aware of it. For most of us though, February means Valentine’s Day, and for people like me, Valentine’s Day means lots of opportunities to insert offbeat product links into cynical articles about the holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually quite a romantic. But the big VD seems to bring the same vibe to love that Christmas at the mall brings to Jesus. If you’ve ever waited tables, you’ve been on the front lines of the battlefield of love, and know what I mean. When you wait tables on Valentine’s Day, you get to see the penultimate expression of what the holiday is really all about: people who usually live in their jeans and hoodies wearing rented tuxes and recently-purchased dresses they barely fit into, people whose idea of a three course meal is supersizing at the drive-thru suddenly trying to figure out that extra fork, and the sickening tension of a room full of first dates and soon to be accepted or rejected marriage proposals. I can’t tell you how many times I called a cab for a sobbing woman who had just said “no” to her suitor. So yes, rest assured we’ll be back throughout the month with more thoughts on Valentine gift ideas. Because nothing says “I love you” like a Power Gauge Erectile Quality Monitor or some edible candy underthings.