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Why Do Rock Stars Gotta Be So Fugly?

Topics: Music | Add A CommentBy admin | October 19, 2009

Is there a clause in rock star contracts with the devil that says AND YOU HAVE TO BE FUGLY?

Poor Shane MacGowan of the Pogues
almost always tops these lists

The other day a friend and I were talking about Robin Trower, who – while a legendary and seminal rock guitarist – is not what you would call conventionally handsome. When I listened to him as a teen, I never really thought about this; there’s a pretty good chance that I was under the influence of something or making out with chicks at the time. But this got my friend and I thinking: is there some clause when rock stars sign their contracts with the Devil that says “but you have to be ugly in that rock star kind of way“? As I sought ideas for a list of ugly musicians, I realized a few things. First of all, as a musician who’s not exactly adorable himself, I should be careful here. Perhaps more importantly, there’s a lot of truth in expressions like “love is blind” or “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. For instance, while the average person would likely say that Tom Waits is a little on the ugly side, don’t say this to his fans. A friend of mine who worships Waits nearly smashed me over the head with a bourbon bottle when I suggested his name for the list. And on the inverse, Madonna almost universally ranks in the top ten on these sorts of lists, usually with an explanation about inner beauty being important. I’m also one of the worst people to address this topic; I mean, I think Sandra Bernhard is hot, for cryin’ out loud. Regardless of who you think is ugly, I think the PopCrunch article Rock’s Aging Sex Icons Need To Quit Already is on the mark when they point out that no-one wants to see grandpa running around in spandex. I mean c’mon, Eddie Van Halen, you look like you’re wearing a damn colostomy bag! Who would you add to the list?

Some of the usual suspects: