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Easter Traditions: Chocolate And Spanking

Topics: Holidays | 2 CommentsBy admin | March 21, 2009

There’s more to the holiday than chocolate & Jesus, you know.


Even warmongering puppet
presidents love Easter!

Like many of us, I find Easter a little confusing. God’s son and the saviour of mankind ascends to heaven, and we celebrate by worshipping bunnies, eating chocolate, and hiding candy from the kids? As usual with American holidays, the Germans appear to be the culprit, having smuggled the Easter Bunny into the country via the Dutch in Pennsylvania in the 1700′s. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with the idea of eating chocolate as form of celebration, and it was clever of Jesus to ascend to heaven around Passover so no-one would forget the date, but really – a big bunny that lays eggs? The egg part is easy: early Catholics didn’t eat meat, dairy products or eggs during lent, so there were plenty of eggs to go around. The Protestants probably went the extra mile taunting their nemeses by not only eating eggs, but painting them bright colors in case the Catholics didn’t notice. The bunny part however, is on the one hand obvious, but on the other hand a little light on corroborating evidence. Yes, it’s Springtime, a time of fertility, yadda yadda yadda. However, the first bunny references seem to be the German ones in the 17th century, and how that got so strongly connected with eggs is beyond me. Personally, I might celebrate Easter this year by going to Bermuda and flying a kite. Or Eastern Europe has another fun angle: spanking and wet t-shirt contests. If you’re a little lost yourself regarding how to celebrate, you might try Cracked.com’s Find the God for You quiz. And I just realized I forgot to insert any insidious product links, so why don’t you go buy me a Lindt Easter Bunny. Not only will you be providing me with life-giving chocolate, but Amazon will give me like, 23 cents or something.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by TeacherPatti on 03.22.09 11:15 am

    Did you ever see the South Park episode on this very topic?

  2. Posted by » Beware The Ice of March & Other Holidays - Dissociated Press on 03.01.10 10:43 am

    [...] Peeps is the one that got to represent, and that because of Easter, it’s really all about chocolate bunnies and spanking. Another contradiction in this month’s holidays is that although it’s Irish-American [...]