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Scientists Discover Purpose Of Internet

Topics: Editorial & Opinion | 1 CommentBy admin | February 27, 2009

As You Suspected, It’s For Wasting Time Between Actually Doing Things

It’s been pretty well-established that the primary purpose of the Internet is to waste time between actually doing things. So today, we’re here to help you out with that. Sort of taking things to new heights of purposelessness, we have the on line Soft Drink Generator, brought to you by the same people that brought you the Church Sign Generator, among other things. With an amazing variety of options, you can easily waste an hour creating the perfect personalized product, which you can then order as a refrigerator magnet or other useless object, and pay an insanely high price for it, with money you don’t have. If you want to waste time for FREE, Facebook is the probably the latest “best of breed” site for time-wasting. If you’re a Facebook user, and like me, prefer to use the status box for entertainment rather than actual personal updates that no-one cares about, telling everyone how crappy you feel today, you may occasionally run into a wall when trying to come up with a clever post. Not to worry! Without looking very hard, I found several “Facebook Status Generators” right away, the best probably being Generatus.com, which lets you customize gender and pre-filter words (it would at least be fun to find out your supposedly upbeat and witty friend is using one of these!). And back to reality: if you actually have a job, and if it happens to involve generating headlines or taglines for real media or products, you might find The Advertising Slogan Generator handy. Where else would I have found useful taglines like “Choosy Mothers Choose Ian” or “Men Can’t Help Acting On Ian” or “Promise Her Anything, But Give Her Dissociated Press“. And if we haven’t helped you waste enough time yet, you really should just follow our Monday De-Motivators. Or suggest a time-waster in the comments, if you know of a good one. Happy time-wasting!

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Hava on 03.04.09 12:48 pm

    HAHAHA! I love it :)