Archive for 2008

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Four Reasons I Wouldn’t Smoke After Sex

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 20, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

That is, if I ever had sex…

The American Cancer Society needs a new PR firm. I had already had two cigarettes before I realized today was The Great American Smokeout. Well, it’s too late now. I’ll have to try some other time. But what’s the hurry, when more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette? Yes, dentists and doctors alike agree that cigarettes are pretty swell. Besides, I haven’t figured out yet why they taste so good. My challenge to you: give me three good reasons I should go against the medical advice of my 1950′s doctor. And make them funny; pictures of black lungs and stuff don’t work. And for those of you who actually might care if I quit, here’s another challenge: Donate $1,000.00, and I’ll quit for at least one year. For smaller donations, I’ll smoke one less pack per week for every $50.00 donated. And I’ll quit forever if you get me a date with Isabella Rossellini, Elina Lowensown , or Nastassja Kinski.

The War On Error Begins

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 20, 2008 by admin in Comics

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Putting The Intelligence Back Into Intelligence

Peter Frampton, Meet Peter Drake

[ 3 Comments ]Posted on November 19, 2008 by admin in Music

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

The original talk box guy

Something that’s driven me crazy for a while is pop music artists that use that effect you’ve probably heard where they sound just a little like a robot on certain notes. Kid Rock probably used it first, trying to copy the effect on Cher’s “Believe”, and now everyone from Britney Spears to Akon uses it. People who sort of know what they’re talking about think it’s a Vocoder or a talk box, but it is in fact an abuse of the settings on Autotune, which is meant to correct a vocalist’s bad pitch. If you’ve ever seen this clip of Billy Joel singing the national anthem, you’ll know why I say “abuse” (I’ve always wondered if that sound guy still has a job). In any case, long before Peter Frampton or Stevie Wonder used the talk box effect, there was Peter Drake. In the clip here (from 1964!), he performs the spooky country tune “Forever”. The clip is probably better viewed full size, to capture the creepy, David Lynchian surreality of the zombie-like backing band.

Maybe Crime DOES Pay

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 18, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

If only in ten dollar increments, to start…

If you’re so smart why ain’t you rich? Well first of all, maybe you’re not so smart. Here’s a quick I.Q. test (only 20 questions)  to help you figure that out. If you scored well on that test, that’s part of your answer. According to this article, intelligence has nothing to do with wealth. Which, to tell you the truth, is something I’ve sort of suspected all along. So on to the second part of that question: maybe you ARE rich. Check out the Penn State Living Wage Calculator to see how you stand. If you aren’t rich, and you are smart, then you should let go of the Meritocracy Myth . Now that you understand that hard work doesn’t pay, maybe you’d like to consider a life of crime. Don’t fret though, according to the Montana State Life Change Scale, changing to a different line of work only scores a 36. So let’s get started. The video clip featured here introduces the lowest form of crime, the Change Raising con. Those funny pieces of paper he uses to demonstrate are actual currency; they’re called “pounds”.  Just pretend he’s saying “dollars”. Which, last time I checked, is still a currency too. So yeah, ten bucks per scam is small potatoes, but I don’t think you’re ready for things like pirating entire oil tankers yet.

Monday Demotivators

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 17, 2008 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Monday not going so well for you? Don’t worry, there’s another one next week.


This could be you…except
you’ll never be this cute.

It’s Monday, and maybe you’re having a hard time getting motivated to get back to the grind. So why bother? There are so many other things to do. Like sleeping more. Some claim sleeping in will actually boost productivity. After you sleep in, waste some time playing Mirror’s Edge 2D Beta. Apparently it’s a 2D Flash version of EA’s Mirror’s Edge
which (as a non-gamer) means almost nothing to me, but it’s amusing, and pretty slickly executed. After realizing you’ll never get past that one ramp, give up and get annoyed by the fact that a computer can beat you at 20 Questions (they claim an 80% chance). Although that site’s been around for a long time, the handheld version is still great for torturing and mystifying drunks at holiday parties. As a friend of mine often jokes: “How do it know?” After you’ve wasted enough time and had a little lunch, go ahead. Take a nap. It might save your life.

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