Archive for November, 2008

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Turgooduccochiqua Trumps Bacon Turducken

[ 4 Comments ]Posted on November 27, 2008 by admin in Holidays

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

A quail inside a cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose.

Just when I was sure the concept of gluttony couldn’t be taken any further, yes, it’s a Turgooduccochiqua. A quail inside a cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose. With bacon between layers. Now if they can just figure out how to get in a tortilla wrap, brine it, deep fry it, smother it in American cheese, and serve it with ranch dressing.

What Are You Thankful For?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 27, 2008 by admin in Holidays

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

Aside from prepositional endings?

I have a lot to be thankful for. Like the fact that there’s no editor here at DP, and I can use all the prepositional endings I want to. Or the fact that I don’t have to eat Thanksgiving dinner on the Space Station . Or a Bacon Turducken. Or anything from the Natural Harvest Semen Cookbook. I can be thankful that we finally have a new face in the White House, or that my city isn’t being bombed today. I can be thankful that even when I’m broke (which I am recently) I still have great friends who will help me out, and no imminent fear of starvation or freezing to death on the streets. Which is why I’ll be doing some volunteer work this morning, to try and give back some of what I get. What are you thankful for?

Battlestar Gay-lactica?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 25, 2008 by admin in Popular Media

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

Who didn’t see this on their Lt. Gaydar?

Before anyone starts identifying me as some smellibate, basement-dwelling gamer for talking about Battlestar Galactica, get with the program. Even if you’re not a fan of Sci-Fi, you owe it to yourself to check out one of the highest quality productions on television in a long time. The production values are theater-worthy, the acting is mostly very solid, the story arc is well developed, and, well, it’s kind of saucy, too. Start with the pilot and move forward until it almost jumps the shark in season three with the contrived boxing match episode, then skip a few episodes and pick back up at the beginning of season four. Which will bring you up to speed enough to watch the upcoming webisodes in which they reveal which of the long-running characters is gay. Yes, partly a cheap marketing plan, but also a pretty hip and daring move for a show whose fan-base is probably the homophobic smellibate type I mentioned earlier. Existing viewers, this may be a spoiler so read on at risk: in spite of the fact that many are dreaming that it’s Apollo, rumor has it  that it’s Lt. Felix Gaeta, otherwise already known by fan boys as “Lt. Gaydar”.Why wasn’t it a bigger deal when they did the lesbian thing?

Coming Soon, And Even Sooner For Men

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 23, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

The female orgasm: essential to the survival of the human race?


Is this woman playing guitar
or is she having an orgasm?

Orgasms. Who doesn’t love them? Although they’re easily mistaken for someone playing guitar, who knew the female orgasm might be essential to the survival of the human race? I have a few female friends who would say that’s a dumb question, but apparently it has puzzled scientists for some time (knowing that, imagine how their wives feel). One idea is that all that tensing and spasming we go through might be explained by Sperm Retention Theory. Which I think is going to have to be the name of my next band. In any case, as a bit of an orgasm addict myself, I’m perfectly content with the explanation that we seek them just because they feel good. I mean, what evolutionary purpose could chocolate serve, yet I’d choose it over most sexual partners in a second. But back to the female orgasm. Although I consider myself reasonably informed on the topic of heterosexual vaginal orgasm (or its scarcity), I feel there’s always room to learn more. Lickipedia.org wasn’t much help. Their article on the topic says “This article is a stub. You can help Lickipedia by expanding it.” Heh. In the end, although I learned all about designer vaginers and a mushroom that causes orgasms, I was forced to try the “Virtual Orgasm Simulator”. Ever wonder what it’s like for the opposite sex? Give it a try.

Holiday Movie Ideas?

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 23, 2008 by admin in Holidays, Popular Media

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

To me, the quintessential holiday films are Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas (although a friend just rabidly recommended The Hebrew Hammer, so I’ll be checking that out.) Rudolph is a fave partly because of its at times almost macabre vibe, but mostly because I’m essentially a misfit toy myself. Charlie Brown [...]

To me, the quintessential holiday films are Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas (although a friend just rabidly recommended The Hebrew Hammer, so I’ll be checking that out.) Rudolph is a fave partly because of its at times almost macabre vibe, but mostly because I’m essentially a misfit toy myself. Charlie Brown is on my list partly because I’m such a depressive git sometimes around the holidays but mostly because of the weird Vince Guaraldi music, like the catatonia-inspiring tune the kids sing when they’re skating (Christmas Time is Here, mp3). I’m sick of seeing lists of “10 Whatever” holiday films; any suggestions?

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