Who doesn’t enjoy a little rainy weather now and then? Well, me, for one. Especially when we say “rainy weather”, which, unlike “rainy afternoon”, implies the potential for eternal drizzle, fog, and toadstools sprouting from the lawn. That’s one reason that I’m going to have to buy a Fuck The Rain Umbrella, pictured left. The other reason being that it’ll look pretty funny in Google Earth photos. All of which reminds me that Winter is like, three days away now. I’m convinced that Winter means “endless season of low-contrast monochrome landscape that makes you want to die” in some ancient tongue. Go ahead. Snowboard. Knock yourself out. As this article on SomethingAwful.com points out, Winter activities all revolve around pretending Winter doesn’t suck. Like sledding: “…a great mixture between excitement, sitting, and being uncomfortably cold and damp. Sort of like losing your virginity…” So, this all highlights the fact that it’s time for my annual cry for help. If I don’t get out of Michigan by November 30, just shoot me if you see me on the street, okay? Alternately, you could donate to the Ian Gray Suicide Prevention Fund. No, that’s not a registered charity to help prevent people from killing themselves, it’s a PayPal account to prevent IAN GRAY from killing himself. All funds will be applied to my relocation, so even if you live in Ann Arbor and hate me, donating would achieve similar results, and be a little easier on my mom. Don’t hate. Donate.