Archive for September, 2008

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Top To Bottom, Google’s Got You Covered

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on September 7, 2008 by admin in Technology

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

Google’s plans for world domination now extend to your toilet.

From the screen you’re looking at right now to the sky outside your window, Google’s got it covered. Before you get too excited about Google’s new browser Chrome (and it is pretty cool), be mindful of the fact that in spite of all their talk about open-source and community (presented in comic book form, for an added feeling of harmlessness), this browser is part of their strategy to put all your software on their servers. If you’re comfortable having the same company handling your e-mail, providing all your web search results, and functioning as your office software while they watch you from above and at street level, enjoy your life. Personally, I’m starting to find Google a little scarier than the Bush administration. Especially now that they seem very interested in toilet tech, with rumours of cheap & easy to install bidet broadband on the way. And by the way, why does that Chrome logo look so familiar , anyway?

Sometimes Moore Is Less

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on September 6, 2008 by admin in Popular Media

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

The Price is Right: Sign up to download Slacker Uprising for free

As a youngster living in the cultural backwater otherwise known as Michigan, I found Michael Moore’s early films and antics inspiring. It was reassuring somehow to know that even a “plus size” University of Michigan dropout can have a voice in America. Although I still agree in principle with a lot of Moore’s attitudes, he kind of lost me as fan when he went after a doddering, incoherent Charlton Heston in Bowling for Columbine . Don’t get me wrong, the first thing out of my mouth when I heard Heston passed away was the cold, dead hands joke. The whole thing just highlighted for me the impression that Moore had let his success steer him more toward the role of “entitled righteous ass as entertainer” rather than “hero of the people”. That being said, I’m all for supporting the Radiohead-like marketing strategy of his new film Slacker Uprising, especially if he has any sincerity when he says “This is being done entirely as a gift to my fans. The only return any of us are hoping for is the largest turnout of young voters ever at the polls in November. I think ‘Slacker Uprising’ will inspire millions to get off the couch and give voting a chance.” Rock the Vote, baby.

Careful Planning Enhances Procrastination

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 6, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

With the right tools, ANY project can be delayed almost indefinitely…

It’s the weekend, and you finally have some time to organize some of those projects you couldn’t get to during the week. Why not implement a flow chart to get things on track? At left is a chart I resort to when I want things I don’t really need. Just substitute any phrase for “Pan Flute” (like, “60 inch Plasma TV” or “orgasm”) and voila! Decision made. I already saved two hours and a few hundred dollars today thanks to that simple chart. If you’re having trouble getting your project rolling, check out the Procrastination Flow Chart. Graphs can also be useful. Peruse the user-submitted graphs at GraphJam.com for useful analyses like Waking Time Spent On Boobies or this concise assessment of the information age. Thinking about upgrading to Windows Vista? Here’s a chart to help you. As we’ve pointed out before, even technologically impaired organizations like the RIAA use flow charts. See the RIAA Lawsuit Decision Matrix. This Things To Say During Sex diagram is not really a flow chart or a graph, but has some good advice all the same. And lastly, when you go back to work on Monday, remember: succesful BlameStorming doesn’t just happen. Proper planning is essential.

What If WhatsHisName Wins?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 5, 2008 by admin in Politics

Friday, September 5th, 2008

This is all moot if the press would shut up about what’s-her-name

In case you’ve forgotten, these are the
two viable candidates this year. There are
others, but they can’t get face time on
Fox, so who gives a crap, right mate?

If the corporate media doesn’t eventually STFU (that link’s NSFW, BTW) about John McCain’s pick for VP, and if enough Americans once again line up like lemmings to vote for the person with whom they’d be most comfortable having a barbeque at the trailer park, some of us may want to be seeking citizenship elsewhere. Fortunately, there are lots of resources on the web. Even a fluff site like AskMen.com offers up a piece called Fine Living Top 10: Dual-Citizenship Countries. Apparently though, things aren’t as simple as the old Jus soli and Jus sanguinis. For instance, head over to extrapassport.com, where they advise: “Before you PAY anybody to provide you with a new citizenship, check if the procedure described by your provider is listed in our Handbook”. Which ironically costs USD $63.99. But wait, they have better deals; for a mere USD24.95 you can download the Estonia Residency & Citizenship Handbook. Barring a major Russian offensive, Estonia is apparently shaping up to be quite a nice new member of the EU. If you don’t feel like giving your credit card number to strange web sites that probably operate on former U.K. gunnery posts in the Atlantic, check out MultipleCitizenship.com’s Citizenship Laws of the World, which was prepared by the US government Office of Personnel Management in 2001, which I guess was the last time a bunch of us were suddenly thinking of renouncing our citizenship. Lastly, if you’re hemmorrhaging cash, why not buy an island ? As an example, this little baby (8 acres) is only CAD $250,000…

Giant Creatures Invade England (Again)

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 5, 2008 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Friday, September 5th, 2008

But here in America, we have own absurd public spectacles.

A massive (fifty feet long) spider named “La Princess” is invading Liverpool this weekend , and rather than running in horror, Liverpudlians will be gathering in awe. It’s rare to encounter a theatrical experience these days that literally takes you away with its magic, but here’s what a Londoner said about the last visit to England by La Machine, a French company that produces amazing theatrical machines and public events: “…I have the strangest feeling today, something in between grief and joy, sad that I will never see that beautiful Little Giant or that gargantuan Elephant again…” The haunting clip at left (which two years later still makes me want to run away and join the circus) is from The Sultan’s Elephant, a mesmerizing event produced by La Machine in 2006. The music is the song “Décollage” from Balayeurs Du Désert’s Jules Verne Impact. I wish these guys would come to the states, but I guess we create our own horrifying public spectacles.

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