August Holidays: A Time To Honor Clowns, Friends, and Breasts
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on August 1, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, August 1st, 2009Well, maybe not all at the same time.
 Even John Wayne Gacy Loves Clown Week! |
It’s somehow fitting that it was the U.S. Congress and Richard Nixon that were responsible for authorizing National Clown Week. It’s also not surprising that the entire Clown Week site is presented in Comic Sans. August is a little light on holidays steeped in deeper tradition, so be careful not to get confused that Friendship Day coincides with Clown Week and World Breastfeeding Week. Things could get peculiar. If you do happen to commit a serious faux pas because of this, you won’t have much time to remedy things; International Forgiveness Day is also on August 2. On a more serious note, Ramadan begins on August 22, so try to be a little respectful of your Muslim friends that observe the month of Ramadan in a more traditional fashion; when was the last time you fasted between sunrise and sunset for a month? Otherwise, aside from a lot of “Hallmark Holidays” and peculiarities like Lefthanders Day or National Underwear Day, August is marked only by a couple of tragic observances like Hiroshima Day and the creation of federal taxes.
June Holidays – Have A Long Hard Gay Father’s Day
[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 2, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009Got Milf? It’s also Dairy Month, but the industry’s low on cheese, and Dissociated Press turns one year old. Maybe it’ll learn to walk on its own soon.
As always, we’ll be back throughout the month to touch on specific holidays in more detail, but here’s a quick June roundup. First up, June apparently is Dairy Month. You’d think the dairy industry would be milking this for all it’s worth, since they’re a little short on cheese at the moment, but as of this writing I could only find this “coming soon” page. I guess they had to lay off the web guy. For the record, if you’re looking for “got milk” images to parody, be careful not to enter “got milf”. Also in June, we of course have Father’s Day, that day when moms cook for dad, and the kids respectfully cater to his every need. Oh wait. That’s kind of like a regular day, isn’t it? How the hell did that warrant a holiday? For a little change of pace this year, try a Hard Gay Father’s Day. They really do things differently in Japan, don’t they? Whatever you do on Father’s day this year, it’s going to be a long one. Long day that is. The longest, in fact, because it’s also the Summer Solstice, which in this part of the country means it’s only two months until the first snow and four hours of dull gray daylight every day. Enjoy the Summer while you can! On a slightly more serious note, you’d think Juneteenth would be getting a little more attention this year, given the election of the nation’s first black president. All I could find was this generic listing of events at juneteenth.com. Perhaps most importantly this month though, Dissociated Press will be one year old on June 11. If you love me, consider donating to the Dissociated Press Birthday Fund. Oh, and one last thing. Can anybody tell me why they call them June Bugs if they always seem to come and go in May?
Moms Agree: War Sucks
[ Comments Off ]Posted on May 10, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, May 10th, 2009It always takes a little feminine wisdom to put things in perspective.
Considering the fact that May in this part of the world brings the return of flowers and sunny warm days, it’s a little ironic that the major May holidays are devoted to glorifying war. Although Cinco De Mayo has evolved into a sort of “Mexican St. Patrick’s Day” (i.e., celebrating Mexican culture in general while Mexicans themselves barely observe the holiday) it was in fact originally in celebration of kicking the asses of the French out of Mexico. Which, given the general predilection of English-speaking countries toward France-bashing, might explain its continued popularity in the states. Later in the month, we have Armed Forces Day and Memorial Day, which try to make you uncomfortable about protesting murder by making you feel like an unpatriotic twit who hates our sons and daughters who died protecting the politicians who sent them to die in the first place our way of life. Which brings us to an oft-overlooked aspect of Mother’s Day – which these days feels like another Hallmark Holiday – it was originally a proclamation against war. As is so often the case, it takes a woman to have the insight, intelligence and humanity to present things clearly. If you can read the Mother’s Day Proclamation without shedding a tear, I know a couple of guys you might like. Here are a few of the opening lines, if you’ve never read it:
April Needs Better Holidays
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on April 16, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, April 16th, 2009Or: Why I refuse to celebrate National Pigs-In-A-Blanket Day
 Charlie and Raymond Looking For 400 Oak Street |
April is probably noteworthy as a month that needs better holidays, if only because Tax Day probably causes more emotional duress than all the others combined. Sure, much like Christmas, Easter is fun for the kids, but tends to be a little exclusionary. So here are some other exciting April holidays for you. Ironically, it’s Autism Awareness Month. I say ironically, because some victims of Autism may not know it’s Autism Awareness Month, but would be able to tell you what day of the week it starts on in the year 2093 . Also of note is Administrative Professionals’ Day, the only holiday I can think of that exists simply because no one wants to be a secretary any more. And although you’d think caring about the Earth would be an ongoing concern, April 22 is Earth Day. Lastly, if you’re really desperate to celebrate something, the The American Farm Bureau Foundation has a list of holidays including everything from National Cheeseball Day (April 17) to National Pigs-In-A-Blanket Day (April 24). Happy Holidays!
Happy Hanukkah!
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 21, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, December 21st, 2008Here’s a dreidel for ya. I won $613.00.
Here’s a dreidel for ya. I won $613.00.