Top Ten Disappointing Technologies, Part I

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on June 18, 2009 by admin in Technology

Arthur C. Clarke said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I’m not feeling the magic.

Anti Gravity

Stephen Hawking Understands
The Gravity of the Situation

This, for some reason, remains my single greatest disappointment regarding technology. Usually, when scientists develop detailed mathematical descriptions of natural phenomena, they’re able to – in at least some small way – demonstrate the truth of them. Although I once had to explain to an otherwise intelligent friend that the Vomit Comet was not in fact an example of anti-gravity, most of us know that anti-gravity remains a technological chimera. The closest science comes to demonstrating an understanding of anti gravity is to describe its opposite, by saying things like “See that thing that’s falling? I have some amazing math that will tell you how fast it will do so”.

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Muphry’s Law Strikes Again

[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 17, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

The Peter Principle’s Penetrating Insights Into Incompetance

Is your boss an incompetent lout? Maybe it’s not their fault. They may simply be a victim of the Peter Principle. If you’re not familiar with the concept, or simply need a refresher (as I did today), The Peter Principle (or PP, as some refer to it) states that “In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence.” A classic example would be Michael Brown, the catastrophically incompetent director of FEMA during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, who was promoted by George W. Bush because of his outstanding performance as stewards and judges commissioner of the International Arabian Horse Association, and whose famous last words (as Katrina pounded New Orleans) were: “Can I quit now?” Okay, maybe this is more a reflection of George Bush’s incompetence, but GW himself might also serve as an example of the PP. The Peter Principle differs slightly from The Dilbert Principle, which states that “the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management” or, more succinctly: “leadership is nature’s way of removing morons from the productive flow.” Given that there’s no hierarchy here at Dissociated Press, we’re most likely to fall prey to Parkinson’s Law, which suggests that “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion“, though in the comments, we often see people fall prey to Muphry’s Law.

Is Urban Planning An Oxymoron?

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on June 16, 2009 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Does your town seem like it occurred by accident? Maybe you should try living in an Intentional Community


Does this look intentional to you?

Are you living in an accidental community? In spite of that mysterious field of study known as urban planning, most cities I’ve lived in have felt like a brilliantly averted catastrophe, plagued by things like congested freeways, war-zone-like crime areas, extortionist parking management, and excessive taxes that don’t seem to benefit anyone but government employees and contractors. Maybe it’s time to revisit the idea of intentional communities. Although historically these are often assembled by extremest fringe Christians or new age nutjobs, the idea – at least in the abstract – isn’t a bad one. We wrote a while back about an interesting project in Detroit that had this kind of potential. Perhaps there could be a new kind of homesteading in which the government supports citizens who develop urban renewal and reclamation projects. Am I just another ignorant utopian, or does this actually sound like a sane idea?

Avoid Food While Waiting For Sperm Rider To Load

[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 15, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

If thumb wrestling is your idea of a workout, we have some fun things lined up to help derail your Monday morning.


Is this your idea of exercise?

I’ll probably never have a legitimate reason to say that again in this lifetime, but as a headline for this week’s Monday Demotivators, there’s absolutely nothing gratuitous in the phrase. So let’s get (ahem) rolling. Here’s a game a lot of us fat Americans should try (don’t think you’re fat? Check the NIH Body Mass Calculator first, you might be surprised). Anyway, the object of Sprinster is simply to avoid food. ‘nough said. To help you avoid food, pretty much for the rest of the day, try 5 Fingers Fillet. I think the name is warning enough. Not for the faint-hearted. Who dreams this crap up, anyway, and why, in the name of God, do I link to it? Oh yeah. Revenue. So, moving along. Sperm Rider takes forever to load (did I really just type that?) but there’s something entrancing about piloting a cowboy stick figure who’s riding a huge sperm through an urban landscape to a stripped-down cowpunk soundtrack. I didn’t even care what my score was. Much like in Super Lava Jumper, which tells you “Oops you died. No worries though” when you fail. This, while a boinky late 90′s house soundtrack plays at 120 decibels. If you like pixelated games with crappy soundtracks, you might also want to try Heavy Metal Girl, which is a little less relaxed about your death, and much more intent on providing it. And if love is more your thing, try Romeo, in which (much like life) you round up volumes of Shakespeare that you will never read, while you search for true love. Want my opinion? Go to the cafe. The odds of meeting someone are a lot better there than if you sit here playing dumb Flash games all day. And get some exercise while you’re at it. Maybe start with something easy, like Thumb Wrestling

Don’t Start The Revolution Without Me

[ 8 Comments ]Posted on June 14, 2009 by admin in Politics

Are you happy with the way things are? If not, are you brave enough to change them?


Are Americans Too Apathetic To Do This?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our social contract, and how the Right of Revolution is written right into the second paragraph of America’s Declaration of Indpendence. Why has this been on my mind? Because I honestly think our system of government is broken. I mean, broken from a citizen’s point of view; from the point of view of those who rule, everything’s pretty much how they like it. The masses are busy watching TV and laboring to buy things they can’t afford, and the power structure is resistant to anything short of a lobby group that’s backed by millions of dollars, or an all out revolution. And things are failing. Education is failing, health care is an atrocity, financial institutions have failed, major industries are collapsing, and even basic civility has taken a major hit over the last 20 or 30 years. So when will we as a collective react? I was inspired a little bit recently when a friend pointed me to a bunch of information about Situationist International, the French movement of the 50′s and 60′s that is credited with motivating the May 1968 wildcat strikes that literally brought France to a standstill. Why? Because in my view, nothing has been more Read the rest of this entry »

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