After finally watching Religulousthe other night with a friend, I had yet another idol de-mystified. I always had a little respect for Bill Maher, but in my opinion, he not only missed the mark in a number of ways with the film, he also revealed himself to be a condescending redneck-basher who needs to talk to his therapist more about his religious upbringing. But I’m neither a film critic nor a psychologist. I’m just here to help you kill some time. We used to go to church on Sunday for that reason, but now we have cable TV, Facebook, and Wii. So my objective to today is to get you to go to church. Which can be difficult, with all you non-adherents running about. I say “non-adherents” because you silly atheists reading this comprise less than one half of one percent of the world’s population, but the term “non-adherents” bumps the number of faithless hordes up to around 13% and helps make you relevant. So anyway, lets start with a church that comes close to the mind-numbing self-contradictions of the more established religions, The Church of the SubGenius. All I’m going to say is “Bob”. Remember: Praise His Sweet Name — OR BURN IN SLACKLESSNESS TRYING NOT TO! You’ll notice, by the way, that there’s a Google search box at the top of that site. Why? Because Google Is God. C’mon. You had sort of suspected it, hadn’t you? All this time we were worried that the Internet would someday become self-aware, and it turns out it was God all along. And lastly, we assume (since you apparently spend enough time on the Internet to be reading this tripe) that you’re familiar with both the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Church of Jedi, so we’ll spare you more commentary. Do you know of any amusing alternatives to mainstream religion? I mean, besides the ones routinely lampooned on South Park?