Die Hard, with Shitpeas and Cunk

The Wonders Of Life – is Brian Cox on Acid ?

Philomena Cunk and Barry Shitpeas on the Harlem Shake

The Entire Show – Season One, Episode Four

The Weekly Wipe brazenly tackles One Direction, Charlie Sheen, Chris Dorner, the Pope, and Reality TV, among other things.

The Only Oscar GIF We’re Sharing This Week

Just kidding, it’s a funny cat GIF.
And to show how meta we are, it’s not even that.

Russian Lane Change

We missed this in our linkbaiting Russian Dash Cam collection last week.

The Last Animated GIF We Will Ever Post

This is you, if you came here expecting to see funny Oscar GIF’s

Okay, Second to Last

This thing makes the Hasselhoffian Recursion look downright amateurish.

Luckiest Dude In Russia

The “luckiest dude in Russia” is a common claim (see more luckiest dudes below) but I might assert that “being lucky” would involve avoiding an accident in the first place.

Don’t Mess with Baba

Hilariously, this video was overlayed with a “Meet Russian Women” ad when I viewed it.

The Apocowlypse

Not to be confused with the Aporkalypse.

The Other Luckiest dude in Russia

The Other Other Luckiest Dude in Russia

Giving New Meaning to the Term “Trolley Car”

Who knew a car could get “clotheslined”?

Who Needs Air Traffic Controllers?

Apparently, it’s not just the drivers you have to worry about…

No Really. Who Needs ‘em?

Maybe this really IS the Russian version of in-flight navigation

Or Maybe The CARS Are In The Wrong Place

I mean, it’s hard to tell a runway from a freeway in a dashcam video.

An Unexpected Turn

We featured this a couple of weeks ago. Now I think I know who made it.

If a Pedestrian Is This Confident…

…you might want to ask yourself why, before things escalate.

More Life In Russia

If you only watch the dashcams, you might think Russians are a crazy lot. Here’s a broader look at everyday life in Russia.

Best of the “Scumbag Pope” Meme

Our Solution to the “Fear of a Black Pope” Problem

And for those who are worried about this all, Captain Hindsight has a few words for you:

So, What Good Are Hamsters, Anyway?

You know how you can’t “unsee” things you’ve seen on the internet? Well recently, the combination of the video below and the fact that I learned the term panty hamster (link NSFW-ish) have left me with hamsters on the brain. So I got to wondering – other than being cute (or disturbing, as in the video below) – WHAT GOOD IS A HAMSTER, ANYWAY? I mean, they’re a horrible food source, among other things. So I did some research. Turns out they are good for a few things. More after the video.

So first of all, they’re good for drag racing.

No. Really.

Also available in a fairytale version, which begs the question: what would Hamster Cinderella’s horses turn into?

They’re also good for vacuuming, at least in the same way that chimps with typewriters are good for writing War & Peace:

And you can even use them as a power source. Learn how to make a hamster powered night light here.

And if you get carried away with that theme, one of these may come in handy for your Prius.

A Long Cat, Just Not for This World

You may have heard that Stewie, the longest cat in the world died the other day.

Don’t fret, other long cats seem to be thriving. See the whole video here.

And Finally, Your Weekly Schadenfreude

So if a “Like” really serves no purpose as a communication tool – having simply become a Pavlovian response that releases you from an obligation to use your brain for a second – what value does it have? Well, some would argue that it has a value of $3.60, but that’s clearly preposterous. It’s obviously not a reliable form of currency; even if one is able to manipulate that Like into some kind of real conversion, the value varies tremendously based on the quality of that conversion. If a person who regularly buys Luis Vuitton luggage “Likes” something, that’s worth a hell of a lot more than someone Liking a picture of your cat wearing a piece of bread on its head. And while there have been studies which demonstrate that Likes correlate with web traffic, there are two problems there. One is – as anyone who operates a website should know – that getting ten thousand visitors from Reddit in one day typically has less cash value than getting TEN visitors with whom you have any kind of relationship. And the other is the redundant and/or useless nature of that data. Okay, “Likes” correlate with page views. Duh. But this only tells you something about the Facebook users who visited the page. And I don’t know about you, but the most influential people I know aren’t avid Facebook users. Hmm. Maybe I should finally kick the Facebook habit so I can become one of them.

In any case, enough Like hating. Below are the worst and best desperate pleas to be liked that I could find. The winning plea is at the very bottom.

Way to go, dad. Someone call social services.

Oh, wait. It was a joke. Maybe they should do another plea then. For DENTAL CARE.

If this image had the effect its creator desired, your psyche is now scarred for life.

Yeah, yeah. These kids are Norwegian. We know they were ALREADY having sex.

Can we all just pitch in and buy her some clothes? And a shrink?

Forget it kid. If he’s so messed up, why is the internet service still on, and why hasn’t he sold the computer at the local pawn shop? And cute kitties won’t cut it, you need a poorly lit photo of dad in a tattered easy chair with a syringe hanging out of his arm. Drooling.

Wouldn’t this be redundant, in a way?

I have a better idea. How about we give you five million likes if you DON’T post pics?

If this is how you two make life decisions, maybe she SHOULD get one, to spare the poor kid the misery of your parenting.

We saved this for the end, because it’s so played out. You’ll notice that it’s always a GUY, who is offering someone ELSE’s willingness, whether it’s their wife…

…or their sister…

But this is a nice twist.

And there’s always someone who refuses to be outdone.

This was one of the first, but I have to say – these kids were stupid.

WHY DIDN’T THEY ASK FOR A PONY?

And this one probably sums it up…

As the old saying goes: “writing about YouTube videos is like dancing about reality shows”, so for this week’s Missing Links, we’ll spare you the excessive highbrow commentary, so you can dig straight in to the YouTubidity of it all. From cradle to CataCombo, we have it all. Clips below.

~PRODUCTS WE MAY NOT NEED~

CataCombo Sound System by Pause

It’s a testament to the success of TheOnion.com and the death of meta-irony that – much like Meat Water – it’s hard to tell if this product is legit or a really elaborate attempt to create viral content. If it IS real, there may be some licensing issues. I can’t imagine the RIAA letting you perform copyrighted music for the rest of eternity without paying royalties, even if only to a dead person.

The Worlds Fastest Baby Stroller

It took a generation of annoyingly self-centered fitness freaks to come up with the Jeep Overland Limited Jogging Stroller with iBaby Sound System, and this merely bumps it up a notch. Personally I think this video is better if you turn down the sound and play Simon & Garfunkel’s Baby Driver while you watch it.

~VEHICULAR VIDIOCY~

Russian Highway Patrol

Just another day on the Russian freeways.

Department of Redneck Transportation Tire Testing

Somehow, this activity is a great metaphor for America too.

Why Drinking at Noon is a Bad Idea

Drinking and driving are a bad combination in more ways than you knew. Thank God this happened in Little Canada, Minnesota, where probably ALL bar owners have a Bobcat Front End Loader parked out back. Now we know why they do. For extra fun, say “Bobcat Front End Loader” in a Fargo accent.

~Sliders~

The People vs Winter

Did you know that in German, there’s a word for people who think it’s fun to watch other people suffering in the snow?  The word is “schneedenfreude”. Actually, I just made that up based on the word Schadenfreuede and the German word for snow, “schnee”. But it works. Engage in some below.

The Pope Connects With A Few Balls

Back when using that phrase wouldn’t have evoked such a creepy image.

As we come careening around the corner of Friday and heading into the weekend, what could be more appropriate and lazy-brained than some amusing GIF’s? Thank God It’s Friday, and Thank God for (animated graphic) Image Files. Enjoy our new weekly Friday feature, where we round up the best GIF’s we see each week. We like to think we’re choosy mothers, and choosy mothers choose GIF’s. Even if they ARE an outdated file format, and a hackneyed meme from last year. Got a suggestion for next week? Send us a link. Have a great weekend!

Apparently, Beyonce isn’t the
first thing on Bill’s mind…

It probably says something about America that the real buzz about the presidential inauguration yesterday wasn’t driven by Obama’s inspiring vision for the next four years, but focused instead on the first inaugural use of the word “gay”, on who won the Clarkson & Beyonce smackdown, the Lupe Fiasco fiasco, and perhaps most importantly, on which politician sneaked the most peeks at Beyonce’s rear (see below). Frankly, I don’t see how their eyes were aiming so low, with President Obama’s Ceremonial Drone Flyover roaring overhead. We promise to get to the bottom of this issue below, butt first, some shopping tips and YouTubidity:

This Week’s Internet Shopping Tip: How To Spot Fake Jordans

Apparently, the genuine logo doesn’t have a butt crack:

Source

And, the week in….

Obligatory Kitten Helping With Laundry Video:

Those jumping skills will come in handy if that kitty ever runs into this guy. Sure, his howling at the moon is cute, but this little bastard steals other rodents’ homes, and eats tarantulas and Scorpions for breakfast:

The “A-Z of Epidemiology: germs from Anthrax to Zoonoses” is a cutely morbid bedtime book for kids in video form, which clearly owes a lot to Edward Gorey’s classic The Gashlycrumb Tinies:

For the record, my personal favorite from the The Gashlycrumb Tinies has always been Neville:

Accidental Inauguration Photobombs

And now, let’s end with the butt talk you’ve all been waiting for. In spite of Justin Bieber’s desperate attempts to get his ass looked at this weekend, the world’s eyes were fixed on Beyonce’s instead. Or at least the politicians’ eyes were:

Oh, so THAT’S what they mean by “the president’s vision”:

And like a good VP, Biden seems to share Obama’s view of things:

As always though, ol’ Bill seems to have his own ideas:

POP QUIZ

Which would you think is more likely to be plagued with human parasites of some sort, the Wall Street Journal, or Brazil?

CHOOSY MOTHERS DON’T CHOOSE GIFS

The respective gender’s perception of the other gender’s idea of foreplay, presented as a Sponge Bob animation.

How men perceive women’s idea of foreplay:

How women perceive men’s idea of foreplay:

They’d probably bellyache four times as much if they had two sets of genitals (maybe NSFW) .

GOOGLE STREET VIEW HATES ANIMALS

Did a Googlemobile run over a camel in Botswana ? They tend to clean up these images quickly, so here’s a screen grab:

And, the week in….

The best Russian dashcam video you will see this week:

The best traffic chopper video you will see this week:

The best Frisbee death you will see this week (a little gory):