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Last minute WTF Christmas Ideas

admin — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 05:37:48 +0000

Just sit on Santa's lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up, okay son?

The other day a friend of mine caught her eight year old daughter using “WTF” all over her Facebook comments. “Do you even know what that means honey?”, she asked. “Of course I do mom. It means ‘wow that’s funny’”, her daughter replied. Of course this didn’t actually happen, at least not in my life; that little story has been kicking around the web since at least 2008. But it’s perfect for filling in the word count on fluff pieces based on “WTF Christmas Presents”, so there you have it. We’ve done plenty of roundups of offbeat Christmas gift ideas before, in fact, we did one just the other day. And although some of the stuff we’ve found was seriously weird, somehow we’ve never gotten around to doing a straight-up “WTF gifts” piece. So we figured with the end of the world (which scenario will it be?) just a couple of days away, we’d better squeeze one in. If you happen to be reading this after December 21, 2012, go ahead and bask in the cocky assuredness that the world didn’t end after all. But then ponder something my friend Nick pointed out to me today, which is that maybe the world DID end. I’ll leave it to you to decide what that would mean about your existence, but for now, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

	They just don’t make gifts like THIS any more….
Cashel Daddle	Oh wait. Yes they do.
Melissa & Doug Doctor Role Play Costume Set	When I was a kid, we didn’t need a “costume set” to play doctor, we would just go behind the — GOOD GOD. Is that a SYRINGE that girl is holding?
Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer	Hopefully somebody is touching your genitals this holiday season. And if they are, now they can clean up before preparing the cranberry sauce or wrapping gifts.
Chef’n Bananza Banana Slicer	Is it just me, or is there a subtle hostility being expressed by the hand model? Trust me. Giving this gift to the man in your life will send a strong message.
Bebe Gloton Breastfeeding Doll	You’re probably only going to have one of two reactions to this. Either you’ll think it’s the greatest thing since bra burning, and celebrate the fact that this doll inspired your daughter to throw away her toy baby bottles (or better yet, your son, right?), or you’re going to recoil in horror screaming “omgwtf can’t kids just be kids any more oh jeebus h chrysler whatistheworldcoming to????”
Like and Dislike Stamps	Admit it. At least once you’ve read an email or comment somewhere other than Facebook, and reflexively gone to click “Like”. Now you can do it in real life, and do away with ALL nuance in your commentary, not just on FB.
WTF Stamp	And while you’re at it, you can “comment” in real life with this handy WTF stamp.
Shot Glass Checkers Set	This should reinvigorate interest in checkers in the over three, under sixty-seven demographic.
Pet Petter	As the package says, “Never touch your pets again”. And you can do all that never touching at an amazing 85 pats per minute!

How I Almost Became A Russian Gangsta

admin — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:54:13 +0000

As soon as they done bitin’ yo ankles
they gonna bust a cap in yo ass

A couple of years ago, a Russian friend of mine asked me if I wanted to make some money. Since he said “vould you like to make some money” instead of “I have a job you might be eenterested een“, I raised an eyebrow. He said ” I know vaht you are theenking. There eez no-thing eelegal eenvolved“. He explained that all we had to do was travel around the country going to small retailers that stocked cell phones and offer to buy their entire inventories for cash at very low prices. I suddenly realized why I was a hot prospect; imagine a Russian guy walking into a gadget shop in WTF, California or someplace, and saying “I vant to buy all zee cellphones you have for cash“. A few months later, a different Russian friend asked me the same original question, only in this case, the “opportunity” involved getting a free cell phone and envelopes of cash to buy large numbers of tickets to concerts and sporting events. I said I’d take the job if he could get me a date with t.A.T.u., and he laughed. Whenever someone says “there eez no-thing eelegal eenvolved” when telling you about a great new opportunity, the assumption of course is that “something eleegal eez eenvolved“. Although I knew that in both cases my friends were operating at a relatively safe level, somewhere a little further up the chain was some guy named Boris the Blade. Which didn’t scare me; the real issue was that I have a strict policy of not entering gang organizations at the thug level. With hindsight, I’m happy with my decision. I probably would’ve had to work with these guys. Which on further reflection, might be better than joining the Scissor Gang Mafia.

Which gangsta wannabe do you find scarier, the Russian:

..or the American?

If you’re already a member of the Scissor Gang Mafia, here are some gang signs to avoid if you don’t want to get randomly gunned down because of your MySpace profile pic:

This was article brought to you by Kremlin Fried Chicken

No Really, WTF California

admin — Sat, 30 May 2009 08:04:41 +0000

California is an amazing and beautiful place. Some of the hippest, smartest people I know live there. Apparently though, none of them vote; how else could one explain the bizarre electoral and legislative behavior in the state since the 1990′s? Starting with the almost comical collapse of the $300,000,000+ per mile subway under Hollywood Blvd in 1994, California has exhibited some disturbing trends in voting, governing and law. This is the state that brought us the Rodney King trial, let OJ free, created the “Three Strikes” law that sends chocolate chip cookie thieves to jail for 25 years to life (at a time when the Netherlands’ jails can’t be kept full), elected a monosyllabic Austrian action movie star as governor, has a GDP greater than Spain but can’t balance their budget, and most recently, in spite of having the largest same-sex couple population of any state, can’t seem to pass simple same-sex marriage legislation. WTF, California, indeed. You used to lead the way in social progress and forward thinking, what has happened to you?

UPDATE: We uploaded this image to Cafe Press as a bumper sticker, and they blocked its usage for products within thirty minutes. You can still get the WTF, California mug while we set up an account with another service. And on a related note, did you know there really IS a WTF, California?

Is Gay Marriage A Black & White Issue?

admin — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:03:37 +0000

As an American who has very strong beliefs about free thinking, free speech, and the idea that the government should serve the people and not the reverse, I’m often frustrated to see nuanced issues shifted into polarized, black and white debates. Since my views don’t fit neatly into our two-party system, I’m regularly misunderstood on my stance on a variety of issues. This was highlighted for me yesterday when a very intelligent friend for whom I have a great deal of respect asked if this WTF, CALIFORNIA? graphic I created meant that I supported gay marriage. My stance on that is a little more complicated. I support any union based on love, but I’m not sure if I want the government meddling in it. But at a time when millions are homeless or hungry in America, and our health care is in shambles, I wonder about how my intelligent liberal friends and I are utilizing our time, and perhaps more importantly, why wealthy (often religiously-motivated) individuals will spend $36 million dollars to ban gay marriage, but insist they don’t want to be taxed a little more to keep people alive and healthy. I mean, what are the priorities here? To assuage my personal progressive guilt, I’m doing a little work with a Kenya/US non-profit (consider joining us for the June 4 fundraiser, by the way), and also preparing a free program to teach basic computer skills to the homeless. This work feels a little feeble to me; I’d like to do more. If you had to name the 5 most important social issues of today, what would they be?

WTF, CALIFORNIA?

admin — Wed, 27 May 2009 11:25:24 +0000

Need we say more? For now, we only have a coffee mug on Cafe Press. Stay tuned.

Feel free to share this image as long as you properly attribute the origin:

Faceboom: Over Forty On Facebook

admin — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:04:42 +0000

With the recent spike in users over 40 on Facebook, I’ve watched some funny things playing out, so I thought I’d share some important notes with the boomer crowd. First of all, “LOL” does not mean “Lots of Love”. So when you post something like “Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that grandpa passed away last night. I’ll let you know about funeral arrangements. LOL“, it comes across a little differently than you intended. Much like the story going around recently in which the guy shares: “my 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that ‘WTF’ means ‘Wow, That’s Funny’ and has been using it all over the internet“. When you’re using Facebook, just rememeber, you’re not grandma, and you’re not an 8-year-old girl. “Poking” someone isn’t dirty, but it’s not especially purposeful, either. And that “Wall-to-wall” thing? Yeah. Everyone can read it. Stop typing sweet nothings to your best friend’s girlfriend. We all find it pretty amusing, but people get killed over this sort of stuff. And lastly, drunk Facebooking is just like drunk e-mailing or drunk dialing. Only worse, for two reasons: 1.) You can “Facebook” somebody without having their e-mail OR their number, and 2.) Everyone is watching. Anyone have an amusing Facebook story?