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Candidates That Make The Tea Party Look Like, Er, A Tea Party

Topics: Politics | 2 CommentsBy admin | July 28, 2010

A quick roundup of 2010 political campaigns fueled by Jesus, 9/11 conspiracies, and a poorly guaged Lithium prescription.

Vote for Basil Marceaux, and he’ll
“immune you from all state crimes
for the rest of you life”

I was recently lamenting the seriousness of American politics, but it appears the Patron Saint of Crazy has smiled upon us. The other day we talked about Alvin Greene, who campaigns as a Democrat for the US Senate when he’s not busy being an unemployed felon that lives with his mom, but it seems there’s a veritable epidemic of viral-campaign-ready loonies out there, with the infectious epicenters currently located in Tennessee and Michigan. In Tennessee, we have a heated gubernatorial race between Basil Marceaux, whose main pitch is “VOTE FOR ME AND IF I WIN I WILL IMMUNE YOU FROM ALL STATE CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE” and James Reesor , whose Feet On The Street Reesor Sign Tour is built on a “95-county Grassroots campaign through Fast-food restaurants and car lots”. We won’t bore you with more copy that just regurgitates these candidates’ platforms; their slickly-produced videos deliver their messages much more eloquently and efficently. Video below.

Basil Marceaux : The Next Governor of Tennessee

Here’s the transcript, so you can easily cut-and-paste to spread Basil’s compelling message:
I’m Basil Marceaux dot com, the Republican candidate for Governor. I like to recall all permit, and registration, for guns. Everyone carry guns. If you kill someone though, you get murdered, you go to jail, and uh, I’d like to put… plant grass or vegetation across in the state on any vacant lot, and sell it for gas, so we can use it for our expenses. Also, I’m gonna remove all gold fringe flags from the state and fly the real flag with three stripes. I also wanna stop traffic stops; set it up like the Supreme Court ruled in Knowles v Iowa: you can’t find innocent car, you can’t look. I want you all to vote for Basil Marceaux. I want to say the Pledge of Allegiance to a Republic in the morning when you come out… and we all pray to God and say Amen and everyone… have a nice day. And I’ll see you all at the polls. Thank you… have a nice day.

By the way, it appears Basil’s son is running for a house seat as well.

James Reesor : The OTHER Next Governor of Tennessee

James Reesor’s message to all you “suit intellects”?
“Compared to God, you are stupid. I am stupid.”

Glenn Moon, candidate for the Livonia, Michigan city council has simple message, which is basically “Heavenly father almighty God lord saviour messiah in name Jesus Christ”.

Here’s the “directors cut”:

And here’s the “elevator pitch”:

The Ann Arbor, Michigan Mayoral Race -
Pat from Saturday Night Live vs Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter

I’m not usually interested in mayoral races; I’ve always felt that a mayor typically is a political tool, as opposed to someone who uses them. But when I noticed that Pat from Saturday Night Live was challenging the incumbent Hannibal Lecter, I became fascinated with this local race. In spite of the challenger’s insinuations that the incumbent is in the pocket of developers probably having some truth to them (many local business people have said the same to me in casual conversation), the fact is that newcomer Patricia Lesko has dug her own hole six ways to Sunday, first by hiding behind the name “Sam Rosenthal” on her blog (and later erasing all traces of “Sam”), and then by forgetting that she’s left a trail of fellow lesbians that find her so detestable that they started the site LOL: Lesbians Opposing Lesko. Good luck, Pat.

Several people have asked that we make it easier to link directly to this Ann Arbor item. Here’s a direct link: http://dissociatedpress.com/2010/07/candidates-that-make-the-tea-party-look-like-er-a-tea-party/#a2mayor

Kesha Rogers, The “Impeach That Nazi Bastard Obama” Democrat

In Texas, we have Democrat Kesha Rogers, who is Leading a War Against the British Empire, and pushing for Obama to be impeached because of his Hitler-esque policies that she asserts were lifted directly from the 1939 Nazi Party playbook.

Jeff Boss, Congressional Candidate Whose Existence Has Been Erased By The NSA
Except the stuff they apparently couldn’t find on YouTube.

We would suggest that New Jersey congressional candidate Jeff Boss is a wingnut conspiracy theorist, but he says right on his website “I have videos of 50 NSA agents admitting on tape that they work for the NSA to mess up my campaign and help the NSA cover up the NSA arranging the 911 attack. Every time I post the videos they are edited out. Every time I am on TV or the radio and talk about the 911 attack or show the videos they are edited out”. Here is one of those videos they “edited out”:

Read Comments

  1. Posted by You Biatch! You Stoleded My Link!* at dissociatedpress.com on 08.03.10 7:48 am

    [...] candidate who put the “goober” back in gubernatorial. We immediately did a roundup of Basil and other unusual candidates across the country, but guess what? Basil’s back, and he’s badder than ever. And he’s really got his [...]

  2. Posted by 2010 Elections: O Voter, Where Art Thou? at dissociatedpress.com on 10.30.10 12:35 am

    [...] have plenty of political comedy right here in the little college town I live in. Last summer we had Pat from Saturday Night Live running against Hannibal Lecter for mayor, and now we have a guy running for congress named – no joke – Dr. Rob Steele . For some [...]