I have a friend who’s getting on in years and occasionally uses the charming expression “I’m so hungry I could eat the north end of a southbound mule“. After learning about the unusual traditions involving donkeys that are practiced in Northern Colombia, I’m wondering if there’s a variation of this expression in Spanish. If you’re easily offended – scratch that – if you don’t like hearing about cultural traditions that involve sex with donkeys, or more importantly seeing such things occurring, stop reading. NOW. But if you can stomach it, VBS.TV – an online network headed up by Spike Jonze – has a feature called Asses of the Caribbean. Which – while it features sex with donkeys – is oddly not exploitive or gratuitous. It just happens to be about locals in Cartegena, Colombia who have a tradition of having sex with donkeys. It’s worth watching, if only to see and hear things like a local cab driver matter-of-factly saying “on Sundays we went into the hills to have sex with donkeys“, and to hear other locals – including the women – explain how it’s just a part of growing up around Cartegena. I would’ve thought that this was a gag of some sort, but in the clip they consult an actual sex expert (Hani Miletski, author of Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia) who explains that it’s fairly common around the world for young men to have sex with animals as sort of a “rite of manhood”. I tried to research this a little further, but quickly gave up. You can imagine the kind of Google results you get when your search terms are things like “bestiality”, “zoophilia”, “donkeys”, “sex with”, or “manhood”. So if you really want to know more, you’re on your own. And whatever you find out, don’t come back and tell us. This was already a little more than we wanted to know. However, we did find out that although Colombians love their donkeys in many ways (there’s a lighthearted Festival del Burro for instance), they also use them in rather cruel ways. The term “drug mule” takes on a new meaning when you use donkeys as bombs in a drug war. Oh. And I bet the headline Dirty Donkey Meat Seized means all the wrong things to you now. But, yes, donkeys are food in Colombia too. See the VBS film below… 

Watch Asses of the Caribbean. If you dare.

This photo may explain why there’s no mention of kissing in the film:

Slow down there, my friend. You know where this can end:

I personally have no desire to develop understanding for this behavior.
But if you do, check out the book by Hani Miletski: