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Last Minute Christmas Shopping?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 21, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

Finding those last minute Christmas gifts can be stressful, but let’s gather round the Festivus Pole for a moment and say a prayer for the Global Orgasm Day crowd. They threw a party, but nobody came.


Celebrate three holidays in one with a sexy santa
outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit.

The last few days before Christmas can be hectic, and for some, even depressing. Like for those folks who try to throw a party for Global Orgasm Day every year. The results may be premature, but if the visitor counter on their site is accurate, it looks like nobody came. Then of course we have Festivus on the 23rd. Which is why we pointed out last year that you may as well roll the two together. This year, as you can see in the image on the left, we’re suggesting you roll all three holidays together with a sexy santa outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit. We’re not being sexist here; we think that combo is suitable for either women or men. If the military doesn’t ask, why would we? So speaking of hectic, we have some last minute Christmas shopping to do ourselves, and since we like to think that we give you a little gift almost 365 days a year, we may take a day or two off. If you have last minute shopping to do and you’re stuck for gift ideas, check out some of our offbeat Christmas gift suggestions. They’re probably more entertaining than useful, but range from the inexpensive to the insanely expensive, to the downright perverse. And if the holiday music that’s been subliminally filtering into your brain since the day after Halloween hasn’t left you feeling like the victim of some kind of merchandising psy-ops, we’ve also rounded up a ton of both classic and quirky Christmas music ideas. Anything special you’d like for Christmas this year? Tell us in a comment. There’s nothing we’d love more than to stuff your stockings.

We Mix You A Merry Christmash – Fun Alternatives To Your Usual Christmas Music Playlist Ideas

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 15, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

After weeks of Christmas songs insinuating themselves into your life, a holiday playlist is probably the LAST thing you want to think about. So we’ve done some thinking for you.


This is not a gratuitous image exploiting
women. We included a clip of Charo singing
Feliz Blah Blah Blah on Pee Wee’s
Playhouse below. Made ya look though.

It all begins around the first of November, when you’re at the market staring at piles of deeply discounted mini chocolate bars left over from Halloween, and suddenly, like some sonic message from the dark side, “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” pokes through the ambient shopping noise. By mid-December, you’ve probably subliminally absorbed so many Christmas songs that you find yourself spontaneously whistling “Walkin’ In A Winter Wonderland” while making love. So it’s natural that so many people groan at the idea of listening to Christmas music on purpose. Which is a shame, because thanks to the thousands of crassly opportunistic attempts to cash in on the Christmas spirit, there are literally thousands of tunes to choose from, in every genre, from several decades. We’ve previously tried to cover all the bases; over the past couple of years we Jewished you a merry Christmas with Oye To The World, suggested some Santastic mashups with Generation Xmas, and with Generation Triple X-Mas we got on Santa’s naughty list. So this year, we thought we’d try to get back on the “nice” list with some actually sane Christmas music ideas, and a few oddities thrown in for fun. If you’ve ever gone searching on the web for some new holiday music ideas, you may have had that Wikiphilia-like experience of suddenly realizing you just wasted three hours of your life mindlessly YouTubing weird Christmas tunes like we did. So we have to give considerable thanks to MistleTunes, Falalalala.com, and Check The Cool Wax for their passion and devotion to compiling and organizing thousands of offbeat and obscure holiday songs. They bring a lot of the spirit back to what should be one of the best parts of the holidays. The music! Hope you enjoy, and feel free to share your own playlist ideas. Read the rest of this entry »

Christmas Gift Ideas For Boyfriends That Won’t Grow Up

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 12, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

As if there are boyfriends that will.

USB Humping DogWe’ve already covered expensive Christmas gifts, forward-thinking inexpensive Christmas gifts, and gifts you’ll pray you don’t get from the weird guy at the office, but each Christmas something that astounds me is how so many women seem perplexed as to what to buy their man. I think the problem all starts with the terminology. You like to THINK you’re dating a man, but if you’ll take off the love goggles for a moment, and think about how he actually behaves, rather than how you’d like him to behave, you’ll quickly realize that there’s a reason that there are sayings like “Few women admit their age, fewer men act it.” It all becomes quite simple when you accept the fact that you’re really shopping for a little boy. If you don’t understand this, you’ll have to talk to his mom, or if you want to get all cerebral about it, read Puer Aeternus by Marie-Luise von Franz. But there’s no need for all that, I’m here, and failing to grow up is kind of a specialty of mine. Although one thing I don’t get is the video game fixation so many guys have – the closest thing to a video game I’ve ever been obsessed with is Snowcraft or Stack The Cats – but otherwise, I get this, and have rounded up some suggestions below. But the rules are quite simple. If it goes vroom, flies, blows up, has boobs, or involves beer, you’re safe. The only question then becomes: do you want the gift to make him be around more, or go away? For instance, if you want him to go away, buy him tickets to a NASCAR race or coupons for a local beer joint. If you want him to stay around, buy him a radio-controlled NASCAR racer, or a home brew kit. See how easy this is?
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Yule Survive – Six Moody & Depressing Christmas Songs To Get You Through The Holidays

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 9, 2010 by admin in Music

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Sometimes the only thing you get for Christmas is your freedom, and the only thing under the tree is you, passed out drunk. Yule get over it. In the meantime, here’s some melancholic music to help you wallow.


The perfect tree to pass out drunk beneath.

You have to dig pretty deep to dig up weirder Christmas music ideas than we did over the last couple of years with Generation Triple Xmas – Holiday Songs For Millennials, last holiday season’s Oye To The World, our tribute to the non-Christian menorah-ty , and our mashup roundup of 2008, Generation X-Mas, but this year we’re digging deeper. Or lower, as the case may be. Yeah, yeah. Christmas is a time of joy and celebration, blah blah blah. Face it. For much of the world, Christmas is only a few days after the longest night of the year, and unless you live in southern climes, there’s a good chance it’s cold and dreary during those few hours of daylight that do exist. No wonder we string lights all over the place, eat ourselves into oblivion, and try to cheer each other up with presents wrapped in shiny paper. So this year, why not just roll with it, and ball your eyes out with some awesomely depressing Christmas music. We’ve rounded up a few tunes below to help bring you down, but got so depressed in the process that we couldn’t go on. Feel free to share some suggestions. We’ll post them in a followup, that is, if we can read your comments through the tears that are freezing our eyes shut

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15 Inexpensive Christmas Toy Gift Ideas For Dystopians

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

This Christmas, why not think about some gifts that will prepare your children for the seemingly inevitable dystopian and gender-confused future that awaits them? We’ve rounded up some affordable toys to help you do it.

First Yawn Real BoyHistorically, Christmas has been a time for dreams and imagination, the excitement of toys under the tree, and for kids to escape the humdrum of winter with the magic of the holidays. But if you’ve been following the news lately, it’s hard not to get a sense that we’re on the edge of both world war three and global economic collapse. And while our leaders reassure us that random cavity searches and bank bailouts are only for our safety and well-being, we know that they know that everything’s about to fall apart and they’re just carving out their safety and well-being so they don’t end up on the wrong end of the stick in the totalitarian police state that is America’s future. Meanwhile, sexual and moral attitudes have never been more polarized; while the equal rights movement made some inroads, many are longing for a return to traditional male/female roles, while at the same time others are encouraging their kids to “out” themselves as early as pre-school. So this Christmas, maybe it’s time to think about buying your children toys that prepare them for their dystopian future, rather than helping them escape the confusing present. Below we’ve rounded up some toys that will help get your children ready for the catastrophes ahead, and whether you’re liberal or conservative, you’ll be surprised at how well some of these toys will work for either partisan agenda. Read the rest of this entry »

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