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10 Christmas Gifts To Pray Your Workplace Secret Santa Doesn’t Give You

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 28, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

This Cyber Monday, we’re exploring the REAL Island Of Misfit Toys: the strange and disturbing products in Amazon’s “Sexual Wellness” department.


Sure. The Pipedream Products Christmas Tree
looks
harmless enough. Until you look
closer and realize Santa has a little secret.

Last year on Cyber Monday , we compiled a list of the weirdest things we could find on Amazon. This year, we thought we’d “push the poor taste envelope” a bit and instead of just rounding up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon, we thought we’d round up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon’s sexual wellness section. For the record, after spending an hour or so “researching”, we’re not so sure about the “wellness” part. So although we’ve spared you the more offensive items, if you’re the least bit prudish and are looking for gift ideas, we recommend maybe checking out Amazon’s regular Cyber Monday specials. But if you’ve never delved into this section of their site – it’s buried under “Health & Personal Care” and items don’t show up in normal searches – then join us for a brief excursion to the real Island of Misfit Toys. And pray that the creepy nerd three cubes over who visits our site isn’t your Secret Santa. For the most amusement, try guessing what the items are before reading the details. Sometimes a flashlight is just a flashlight. Sometimes it isn’t.

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High Tech Christmas Gifts I Wish I’d Received As A Kid

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 19, 2009 by admin in Technology

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

With some random musings on why today’s kids shoot each other, why marshmallows are the new pink, and the fat old bastards who blocked my view at the hobby shop when I was little.


Marshmallow is the new black.

If your dad was anything like my dad, he walked 17 miles to work every day in 6 feet of snow, barefoot, with a headwind both ways, and ate boot broth soup for lunch, so he could make 13 cents a week. He also might look at you funny when you used a calculator to do some multiplication and say “Puh! We didn’t have them things in MY day“, and prove it by asking for some big numbers and then piss you off by easily multiplying pairs of two-digit numbers in his head. My dad could do pairs of three-digit numbers, but would have to stare off into space for a second mouthing and moving his finger in the air. My generation – on the whole – couldn’t do this, but seems to me to be a little more in possession of average intelligence across the board. But when I meet today’s kids, I don’t meet many “average” kids, they all seem to be vidiot savants who can’t spell but can ace you on any video game known to man or fix your wireless network, or Einsteinian freaks who get Montessori training, business and accounting tutoring, and therapy twice a week. I personally think this can all be explained by the toys we had or have. And I have to add that if you ever want to take control of my mind, set me loose in a toy store for about an hour, and after the spontaneous hypnotic age regression that occurs, I will be a pliable drooling zombie drone that will do anything you say. The same thing happens when I browse the doodads on Amazon, which I made the mistake of doing yesterday, and which led to this roundup of high tech toys I wish I had when I was a kid. Read the rest of this entry »

High-Tech Gadgets Put New Spin On Secret Santa Concept

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 12, 2009 by admin in Technology

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Thanks to these affordable high-tech surveillance gadgets, your workplace Secret Santa Stalker sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.

You don’t know it, but this holiday season there’s a special someone who has their eye on you. Of course you don’t know it, because they’re keeping that eye on you with an Audio-Activated Hidden Camera by BrickHouse Security┬«, which, as the product description points out, can “capture every detail even in low light situations“. Yes, for some the holidays are a time of love and cheer, for others, a time of loneliness and despondency, and for yet others, a time to enjoy psychotic fantasies of how much you’ll love them for the bizarre gift they can’t decide on because they’re so incredibly in love with you. In love with you the way Robin William’s character in One Hour Photo is in love with the Yorkin family, but in love with you all the same. So far, their favorite gift idea for you is GPS lingerie, but they’ll agonize over this every sleepless night until Christmas, so who knows what you’ll end up with. You could cleverly and kindly let your high-tech stalker know that you’re on to them with a nice gift like a Spy Camera Watch or a stylish Spy Camera Pen Hidden Camcorder, but your effort would be futile, because whether you shopped on line or in person, they would know what you were up to, because they’ve already installed a Stealth iBot Password Logger on your computer and an Escort Entourage GPS Vehicle Tracker on your car. So what to do? They say the the best defense is a good *offense, so you might consider wearing a Tell Your Eyes To Stop Staring At My Boobs shirt when you grudgingly go on a “just friends”, work hours holiday shopping trip with them, but they’d already have on their Tell Your Boobs To Stop Staring At My Eyes shirt. No, your only hope is probably to scan your home and car with a SpyGear4U Bug Detector and your office cubicle with a BrickHouse Security Sperm Detection Kit, and hope for the best. Because, just like Santa, he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. So be good, for goodness’ sake. Read the rest of this entry »

Watch This Space: Gift Ideas For The Person Who Has Everything But Time

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 5, 2009 by admin in Technology

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

Watch out, we’ve taken the time to round up a bunch of cool, not-so-cool, and interesting watches. None of which are second hand.


With the TokyoFlash Retsu,
You Look Cool But Never
Know What Time It Is

I have what might be described as a poorly-manifested watch fetish. In the 90′s, I probably had two dozen watches. Fossils, Swatches, or any clever design that was in the discount bin near the checkout at stores like TJ Maxx. They all died slow, painful nightclub deaths of course though, and since 2001 I’ve only had one watch; the classic Museum Movado. Its simple functional beauty and reliability is unparalleled. I laugh every time I dodge the $80.00 “Movado Authorized” battery replacement fee and void the warranty at a nearby jeweler that does it for the cost of the battery: six bucks. But even though I’m not likely to go on another watch-buying bender any time soon, I love a cool design, and the right watch is a superb gift, so we’re rounding up some interesting watches to give you some holiday gift ideas. If you really want to impress that special someone, and money is truly no object, you might consider one of the watches from this selection, which is topped off by the Patek Caliber 89 at $5,120,000. In these lean times though, even the most affluent might consider gold, silver, or real estate before a $5.1 Million watch, so let’s think a little more reasonably. Amazon, for instance, offers the Breguet Classique Complications Tourbillon Messidor for a mere $131,669.99, which – before you complain – is $8230.01 lower than retail. But honestly let’s get just a little more real now. Personally, I’ve never been much of a Rolex fan; not even of the simple and classic Oyster Perpetual Explorer (only $4,545!). Somehow, it’s the very message of quality and stability that the watch conveys that kind of turns me off. However, this gorgeous collection of Rolex Explorers designed by Hiroshi Fujiwara for Bamford Watch Department might make me rethink things. While the original is a little over $4500.00, these redesigns are priceless. Literally. I couldn’t find pricing info anywhere. Moving from the outrageously expensive to the unique and peculiar, there are flat-out goofy choices out there like the Nooka Zub Zot SpongeBamo, the Flud Tableturns DJ-inspired model, or the Pac-Man Limited Edition Pellet-Time Watch (only 500 made, and it comes with the game for your PC). And then there’s the nerdishly intriguing but ultimately absurd, like the “let’s watch TV on your wrist” Ultimate Style 8GB Steel MP4 Player Watch with 1.8 Inch Screen or the Super Cool Mobile Phone Wrist Watch. I think we can rest assured that anything with the words “Super Cool” in the name probably isn’t. If you’re more of a do-it-yourself type, there’s the Pong Watch concept by John Maushammer. It may actually be in production at some point, but for now, he’s just sharing how he made it. If you’re a little compulsive about dates, you might consider the Everyday Special by Mr Jones Watches. At $210, the full year will only set you back about $76,650. Which of course was not their intention; Mr Jones actually does some cool watches (the Cyclops is pretty fun, for instance), and the idea of course, is to pick a date that means something to you, not cover the whole year. But enough silliness, if you’ve seen the kinds of hip and unique watch designs that pop up on gadget blogs or sites like BoingBoing, they’re almost always from shops like TokyoFlash, Nooka, or trendy lines like Diesel. And if you’re looking for the TRULY innovative, Trendhunter has a roundup that includes things like the Pierced Wrist Watch and the Seiko E-Ink Watch for women. Below are more interesting timepieces available on Amazon. Read the rest of this entry »

This Cyber Monday, Remember Amazon Sells A Lot More Than Books

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 30, 2009 by admin in Holidays

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Bulldozers, UFO Detectors, Anal Dilators, and Man to Man Gay Attraction Body Mist. All on Amazon.com!


Yes, we’re pulling out all the stops for your
Cyber Monday shopping fun on Amazon

Everybody knows that the shopping that we do on Black Friday is really just a desperate attempt to get along with annoying relatives that are visiting for the holiday, which partly explains why per-shopper sales were down 8% from last year. The other reason those Friday sales were down is because everyone is slowly learning that the Monday after a holiday isn’t for getting back to work, it’s for shopping on line while getting paid. As a borderline socialist, I of course have mixed feelings about how much you shop today, but as an Amazon affiliate, I have a keen interest in helping you shop to your heart’s content. As long as you do it through our product links and search tools. To that end, I want to help you realize that Amazon sells more than books. Maybe you need some Liquid Ass Fart Spray, or have been looking for that perfect product to help you Stop Eating Poop. Or maybe you’ve been meaning to out yourself for a while, but haven’t had the nerve. Try some Man to Man Gay Attraction Body Mist to get things rolling, and if it is your first time, consider pulling out all the stops and picking up a Dr.J Anal Dilator Kit. Yes, Amazon has it all. Thinking of starting a war, or a business? Why not order up a Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank or a NorTrac Bulldozer? The bulldozer will be handy for clearing the lot for your Self-Contained Branded Drive-Thru Kit. No more waiting in line at McDonald’s, and it’s only $89,000.00! Speaking of McDonald’s: as an American, you probably already know what fat looks like, but don’t let that stop you from picking up a Five-Pound Fat Replica. Interestingly, the “Frequently Bought Together” suggestion on that page lists “Five-Pound Fat Replica, One-Pound Fat Replica, One-pound Muscle Replica“, which is probably pretty close to the average American’s fat-to-muscle ratio. Moving along, if you’re looking for a gift for the nutjob conspiracy theorist in you life, give them a little peace of mind with a professional UFO Detector. As one customer shared in the reviews: “I purchased this item and am blown away by Read the rest of this entry »

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