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Earth Hour: Switch Off The Lights For A Brighter Future

admin — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:07:42 +0000

Now here’s a holiday that shouldn’t stress you out. It requires little or no preparation, and only takes an hour of your life. All you have to do to celebrate Earth Hour and make a stand against climate change is turn off your lights for one hour starting at 8:30pm tonight (your local time). Earth Hour began in 2007 in New Zealand as a project created by the World Wildlife Federation. That year, 2.2 million people and 2,100 businesses participated, and the event has grown steadily since then; in 2008, an estimated 50 million participated worldwide, in 2009, hundreds of millions took part, and if things keep growing at the same rate, there may be more than a billion people taking part this year. Support is also being shown in a big way by governments and businesses around the globe, by turning out the lights on major landmarks including the Empire State Building in New York, the Forbidden City in Beijing, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the pyramids near Cairo, and the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. So while it may not be as much fun as Global Orgasm Day, why not turn off your lights for an hour tonight to show your support. In the right circumstances, you might get the same results.

Forget Festivus, Global Orgasm Day Is Coming!

admin — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 04:02:13 +0000

Christmas is just around the corner (which is why we’ve provided so many offbeat shopping suggestions recently), but let’s not forget that Christians and capitalists aren’t the only people who celebrate a holiday in December. I know, you’re saying to yourself “I’m an educated, culturally sensitive individual, I know all about Festivus, The Holiday for the Rest of Us! “, but do you? Take the quiz and find out. And let’s not forget that it’s also time once again for the world to come together and, er, come together. Yes, for some of us, the real climax of the holiday season is Global Orgasm Day, which is on the solstice, which – as all you heathen pagans probably already know – is the 21st at 17:47 GMT. Give or take a few seconds. Personally, I like to combine these two holidays by buying my own very special Festivus Pole (the Peekaboo Hot Pink Party Pole Dancing Kit will usually suffice) and hiring a hooker. I’m sure some of you find that idea offensive, but spare us the comments here; you can share theme during the “Airing of Grievances” at Festivus Dinner, okay?

December Holidays: Pearl Harbor, Henry The Hand, And Human Rights

admin — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 16:11:13 +0000

December is – as we all know – probably the busiest month for holidays. Probably because in much of the capitalist world, it’s dark and gloomy about 18 hours out of every 24, so there’s nothing to do but try to make yourself feel better by eating, shopping, and stringing pretty lights and candles all over the place to ward off the depression. So we’ll get to the biggies like Christmas, Hannukah, and Kwanzaa next week, but before all the holiday cheer begins, let’s pause for a moment of somber reflection on Pearl Harbor Day, which has become an excellent time to remember the events of September 11, because, well, they probably came about in the same way. Of course, the average flag-waving American will probably want to wash their hands of any such talk immediately. This is convenient, because December 6th through 12th is National Handwashing Awareness Week. Which kind of leaves one wondering what the hell people do with them the other 51 weeks of the year. In any case, let Henry The Hand’s sniff test help you clean up your act and rid the world of the filth being spread by evil characters like his likely arch-nemesis, Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. And much like the one week of clean hands a year, you’re also allowed human rights for a day on December 10. This seems to be a less-than-hot-topic for the UN; as of this writing their human rights home page makes no mention of the holiday, and the most recent item in the “news” section is from April. So just enjoy your silly human rights while you still have some. Like mom always used to say, “there are kids in [INSERT COUNTRY NAME] that are starving for human rights“. Okay, maybe I’m misquoting mom a bit. In any case, like we said, we’ll be back with thoughts on the “real” December holidays next week, but in the meantime we have several pages of shopping ideas for you. Oh, and don’t forget. Global Orgasm Day is coming.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not touching Henry ’til he finishes that shower…

We’re Havin’ Us A Party & We Want You All To Come

admin — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:32:27 +0000

Orgasms: Mutual is Good,
Global is Gooder

Yes, Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell are a couple of tree-hugging peaceniks, but they have an idea just about anybody can get behind, so to speak. Let’s all contribute to Peace, Justice, and slowing Global Warming (although if we do our job, things should be heating up a little) by doing the deed* with someone we love this Sunday, which is the third annual Global Orgasm Day. As much as I’d love to give the gift of global orgasm myself, I’ll unfortunately be sitting this one out. I just can’t see falling in love with someone by Sunday afternoon. Don’t let that stop you though. Apparently the project was put in motion by Baring Witness (Naked & Not-For-Profit!), and is measured by Random Event Generators operated by The Global Consciousness Project at Princeton, of all places. Science, Sex, and Sunday – what a great combination, and it’s for the benefit of everyone. Maybe you could use that to motivate a less energetic partner: “but honey, it’s for world peace!”

*I got really stuck for a cute euphemism there, in spite of owning three slang dictionaries. Anybody have a suggestion?

Three Reasons To Skip Christmas This Year

admin — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 14:38:26 +0000

During the holiday season, it’s important to remember that Christmas isn’t the ONLY holy day celebrated in the month of December. First of all, on December 21 it’s time to celebrate Hannukah, which (much like modern western culture) is a celebration of the miraculous endurance of oil as a fuel. I usually celebrate by burning a fatty and playing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song repeatedly. Also on the 21st this year, we have Global Orgasm Day. I think you can figure out how to celebrate that one. When you’ve recovered from your afterglow, get ready for Festivus, “a holiday for the rest-of-us”. I honor this very special day by hiring a stripper and updating my interpretation of the festivus pole. After all the blunt smoking, orgasms, and pole dancing you’ll probably be too wiped out for Christmas, so on the 26th, have a dope Kwanzaa. Did I miss anyone? How do YOU celebrate during the holidays?

It’s National Orgasm Day!

admin — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:46:34 +0000

Well, you may have missed Global Orgasm Day 2007, but you’re not too late for National Orgasm Day 2008. Yes, British scientists have taken the global orgasm, er, national. While Global Orgasm Day was dedicated to peace, National Orgasm Day is dedicated to science. According to the press material, this survey conducted by Pelvic Toner (“the world’s best vaginal exerciser”) and Scarlet magazine is the world’s largest survey of the female orgasm. Learn more here, read the press release here, or take the actual survey here. Attention men: There’s a good chance you are not qualified to complete this survey.