Fun Things To Do That Don’t Involve Burning The Koran
[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 10, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Friday, September 10th, 2010In much the same way that not everyone wants to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus on December 25th, not everyone wants to burn the Koran on September 11th. Here are some fun alternatives.
 Keep the terror alive with NY Defender |
We’re all probably pretty tired of hearing about how radical terrorist Christians in Florida are celebrating September 11, so we thought you might be interested in some alternatives. If you still want to do things “Florida Style”, and ensure that the day is remembered traumatically for at least another generation, all you need is a locked-down grade school full of children and some explosives. Then you can blow up a pony. Because you know, if you don’t, then the ponies have already won. Another way to keep the terror alive – but while feeling gratified that you’ve protected the homeland – is with NY Defender – the Flash game that was widely banned back in 2001 – in which you blow up airliners before they can create a place called ground zero that people can argue about building a mosque on nine years later. Some other interesting alternatives that were suggested by Reddit users include burning a copy of the Patriot Act or burning a newspaper to protest how the media created this whole debacle in the first place with their ratings-driven irresponsibility. One Reddit user couldn’t wait and already burned the Quran on September 10th. Or maybe you could ponder the ironic callousness of the fact that they’re moving the inspiring 9/11 memorial gift from our former enemies to make room for some cargo containers. Or as crazy as it sounds, maybe this would be a good time to learn about who started the last holy wars, or look at a fairly objective comparison of two of the worlds biggest religions and tell me where either one says “kill all the people that don’t believe what we believe”. Because Jesus H Chrysler, face it. You probably don’t know Jack about Muhammad. Read the rest of this entry »
Drinking & Driving Is All Fun & Games…
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 28, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Monday, December 28th, 2009…until somebody loses a license. Or gets their DUI ticket Twittered all over Texas.
 Don’t be a drinking and driving dummy |
…until somebody loses a license or something. For all you poor cusses who have to hold down the office between the holidays, we have a special New Year edition of our Monday Demotivators. With New Year’s Eve just a few days away, many of you are probably thinking more about drinking than working: how much to do, how much to buy, how well you can drive when you’ve done a little. So let’s start with that last bit. You’d think that with the way most game developers drink, there’d be more Flash games devoted to the topic. All we could find were a couple that were devoted to staying vertical, like Sittin’ at a Bar (which was really just a promo for country band Rehab’s Bartender Song), or Mind Me Bloody Beer (which was a promo for British comic Johnny Vegas) and Haleed the Drunk, which was a plug for…I dunno. Haleed the Drunk? Games specifically devoted to drinking AND driving have run into marketing problems in the past, in spite of getting funding from the US Army. But we found a couple anyway. If you happen to be drunk right now, you’re probably in the right frame of mind to enjoy Drunk Driving Championship; hitting the space bar to avoid crashing gets dull pretty quickly on just coffee. Likewise with Drunk Driving Dummy, which gives you odd instructions for a drug run starting at a bar, and then sends you off. Unfortunately it sends you off in a car with a broken Read the rest of this entry »
Reindeer Games Rudolph Wouldn’t WANT To Join In
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 22, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009For some, the holidays can be a bitter time. Especially for Flash game developers, I guess. Help Rudolph get revenge, and see how many employees Santa can slay with this weeks holiday-themed games of violence and vengeance. And what is it with game developers and spelling, anyway?
 Finally, a reindeer game even Rudolph can get behind. Or in this case, in front of. |
Sadly, for some people the holiday season is a time of frustration, anxiety and resentment. And apparently, this is especially true for Flash game developers, who probably all grew up as misunderstood misanthropes who never got what they wanted at Christmas because their parents didn’t understand their genius. Well, they’re silently eeking out their revenge; we went looking for fun and happy holiday-themed games to keep you amused this week, but were surprised by how many were based instead on violence and vengeance. We could understand Rudolphs Kick n’ Fly, in which Rudolph kicks elves into the air (much like Kitty Cannon), because no one really gets hurt, and Rudolph has every right to be upset after the abuse he received as a child. But Rudolph’s Revenge is downright ruthless, with a scrappy, gun-toting Rudolph that looks like he’s been working at the North Pole meth lab for too long. And why does Santa need a gun? The truth is, both Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance tease your inner psycho with sinister Santas who look like they’re out for blood in intense first person shooters, and then the games actually serve up silly little pixelated Santas that only move in two dimensions. Jingle Ballistics is doubly misleading; there are no bullets, and not much jingle, just a choice of a snowman, an elf, or a sullen Santa for one-on-one boxing matches. In the continued mind-numbing search (I say mind-numbing because I for one really am not a gamer) for something a little chippier to keep you amused, we thought maybe we’d find a clever or cute snowball game like Snowcraft, and ran across a little journey into psychosis misleadingly called Snowball Holiday Flash Game. It took a minute to realize that the the weird things hanging in the viewframe weren’t curtains, but an anime girl’s hair, and the little penises that kept popping up Read the rest of this entry »
Holiday Time Killers
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 14, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Monday, December 14th, 2009Scanning your butt on the office copier just isn’t as much fun since all the layoffs, is it.
 Scanning your butt on the copier just isn’t as much fun since all the year-end layoffs. |
We quietly discontinued our Monday Demotivators a while back, partly because we figured that with the national unemployment rate hovering around 20%, there was no-one at work to actually avoid it. However, last week we got an e-mail from a regular visitor complaining that now that he’s the only one left in his cubicle farm, he needs time-wasters more than ever. So here are some quick holiday and winter themed time killers for you. Yeah, you could always Elf Yourself, but then you’re just advertising for Office Max without getting paid. Like we just did. Doh! For some reason, I’ve personally always loved Santa Toss. I think maybe it’s the yodeling, but there’s also a strange gratification in throwing Santa around, especially after all the times he’s let me down. And especially after the staff cuts he’s made. Yeah, it seems he fired all the Reindeer and replaced them with a chopper. As revenge, they cut a hole in the floor of it, and now the gifts are all over the arctic. Help him retrieve them with Present Hunter. I didn’t have much luck, but it was kind of fun crashing the helicopter 4 or 5 times. So, moving on…since there’s nobody around the office as a result of that year-end “force reduction”, you probably don’t get as much excitement out of scanning your butt on the copier as you used to. I mean, all the fun is in the excitement of doing it without getting caught, right? Well, bring back the thrills with Butt Scan. Unfortunately all that game does is let you scan your butt ’til you get fired, so it wears thin pretty fast. These holiday Flash games always have something violent or sexist to offer, so if you’re feeling a little cranky about the holidays, don your hockey mask and butcher knife and slaughter some helpless elves with Friday The 24th. And for the inevitable misogeny, touch a woman inappropriately to win imaginary money with Santa Girl. Tip: if you actually want to collect the money, touch her APPROPRIATELY. And if you found that last one especially offensive, don’t piss yourself over it. Pee in the snow instead. Because who doesn’t love peeing in the snow, and now you can even send a Pee-Mail! Here’s our little pee-mail message. We may be back next week with more holiday themed demotivators, so if you have any suggestions, pass them along. I’ll just be playing SnowCraft ’til then. Read the rest of this entry »
There’s More Than One Way To Stuff A Turkey
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 26, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, November 26th, 2009Let’s take a moment to think about the 45 million turkeys that gave their life in the war against our hunger today. And after doing so, commence to shootin’ ‘em again.
We shared some more somber Thanksgiving thoughts here today, but if you were looking for somber, you’d be reading the emo blog whimperings over at xanga.com, right? We know you really just want something to kill the time while you do your best to appear mentally and emotionally present at your family dysfunctions for today, so we’ve rounded up some flash games you can play while you pretend you’re just checking text messages or whatever. We’ve observed before that there’s an odd tendency for Flash games to focus on doing cruel things to helpless animals, and Thanksgiving is no exception. First up, and probably least cruel, we have Turkey Fling, in which – you guessed it – you fling a turkey. Probably not as gratifying as Santa Toss, but there’ll be plenty of time for that in December. A little higher on the cruel curve we have Turkey To Go. If your bald turkey doesn’t collect feathers fast enough, he’s totally forked. And of course, no themed game roundup is complete without a first person shooter, so we have the aptly named Turkey Shoot. Careful though, they do. And if you’re an elficidal vegetarian who loves rave music but hates Christmas, you’ll love Xtreem Xmas Turkey. As a headless turkey armed with a medieval halberd, you slaughter angry elves, before they slaughter you. And if you’re such a Flash game-obsessed twit that you even get your cooking tips from Flash interactives, we have Cook A Turkey. So have fun, kiss grandma for us, and have a great Thanksgiving. Whatever you’re doing, you’re probably having more fun than the estimated 45 million turkeys being devoured across America today!