April Needs Better Holidays
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on April 16, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, April 16th, 2009Or: Why I refuse to celebrate National Pigs-In-A-Blanket Day
 Charlie and Raymond Looking For 400 Oak Street |
April is probably noteworthy as a month that needs better holidays, if only because Tax Day probably causes more emotional duress than all the others combined. Sure, much like Christmas, Easter is fun for the kids, but tends to be a little exclusionary. So here are some other exciting April holidays for you. Ironically, it’s Autism Awareness Month. I say ironically, because some victims of Autism may not know it’s Autism Awareness Month, but would be able to tell you what day of the week it starts on in the year 2093 . Also of note is Administrative Professionals’ Day, the only holiday I can think of that exists simply because no one wants to be a secretary any more. And although you’d think caring about the Earth would be an ongoing concern, April 22 is Earth Day. Lastly, if you’re really desperate to celebrate something, the The American Farm Bureau Foundation has a list of holidays including everything from National Cheeseball Day (April 17) to National Pigs-In-A-Blanket Day (April 24). Happy Holidays!
What Do YOU Want For Christmas?
[ 4 Comments ]Posted on December 25, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, December 25th, 2008Because honestly, I got you the same thing as last year…
I’ve already jokingly made my list (no, I don’t expect anyone to buy me a Nikon D80) but all I really want for Christmas is for people to remain hopeful and positive, and to have the strength and peace of mind to always turn adversity into opportunity. Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if you click on some ads now and then… Personally, the last Christmas I really enjoyed was the one in the picture on the left, where I got to wear my Army shirt without some Liberal Elitist yelling at me, and the pile of presents was bigger than me! Peruse the Holiday section if you care about my take on the holidays, but I’d love to know what YOU want for Christmas. Feel free to share a comment.
Last Minute Shopping?
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 24, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008Not if we can help it.
 Little known fact: the Hermie the Dentist character was in fact modeled after me. |
Not if we have anything to say about it. Here are some Christmas Eve morning distractions to help delay that last trip to the mall. You don’t have any money anyway, which is why the AIG Executive Catcher (Thanks, Scott) is so gratifying, in spite of the fact that all you do is grab AIG executives with a big claw. In the same vein, if you’ve been working your butt off and are still broke this holiday season, you’ll quickly understand Karoshi Suicide Salaryman (Karoshi is Japanese for “death from overwork”, if I’m not mistaken). On a more cheerful note, bet you can’t name all of Santa’s reindeer in under two minutes. No points for the one pictured here. Totally unrelated to the holidays, we have this annoying game, in which the only object is to not touch the edges. Harder than it looks. Or for those of you who actually like using your brain, why not try being an air traffic controller. The learning curve on that was longer than five minutes, so I just let a couple planes collide and moved on. And lastly: Think about clicking on some ads or on that “Donate” button in the upper right of every page. Or if you’re still hell-bent on shopping, just sit still for another minute and buy me something from the ever-annoying Amazon Wish List. We’ll be back later today with some actual content, gotta get to the mall!
Three Reasons To Skip Christmas This Year
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 28, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Friday, November 28th, 2008Have a Chappy Chanukkah, a Frisky Festivus, and a Dope Kwanzaa
During the holiday season, it’s important to remember that Christmas isn’t the ONLY holy day celebrated in the month of December. First of all, on December 21 it’s time to celebrate Hannukah, which (much like modern western culture) is a celebration of the miraculous endurance of oil as a fuel. I usually celebrate by burning a fatty and playing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song repeatedly. Also on the 21st this year, we have Global Orgasm Day. I think you can figure out how to celebrate that one. When you’ve recovered from your afterglow, get ready for Festivus, “a holiday for the rest-of-us”. I honor this very special day by hiring a stripper and updating my interpretation of the festivus pole
Dancing With My Seh-helf
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 10, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Friday, October 10th, 2008Or should that be dancing Wii-ith My Seh-helf
 The best of all worlds: Taking a self-portrait while dancing alone |
No, it’s not a Billy Idol revival (although my grandma LOVES his Christmas CD), it’s the latest thing in socializing: NOT SOCIALIZING. Also referred to as the silent disco. For a generation accustomed to the idea that someone’s Photoshopped digital camera self-portrait on your personal web page is a friend, what could be more rewarding than not dancing together? What I can’t quite grasp about silent discos and silent raves though, is why you have to go to the club at all. Isn’t there some way you could do this with your Wii? Oh. Of course. Here we have the Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party Bundle