Just sit on Santa's lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up, okay son?

The other day a friend of mine caught her eight year old daughter using “WTF” all over her Facebook comments. “Do you even know what that means honey?”, she asked. “Of course I do mom. It means ‘wow that’s funny’”, her daughter replied. Of course this didn’t actually happen, at least not in my life; that little story has been kicking around the web since at least 2008. But it’s perfect for filling in the word count on fluff pieces based on “WTF Christmas Presents”, so there you have it. We’ve done plenty of roundups of offbeat Christmas gift ideas  before, in fact, we did one just the other day. And although some of the stuff we’ve found was seriously weird, somehow we’ve never gotten around to doing a straight-up “WTF gifts” piece. So we figured with the end of the world (which scenario will it be?) just a couple of days away, we’d better squeeze one in. If you happen to be reading this after December 21, 2012, go ahead and bask in the cocky assuredness that the world didn’t end after all. But then ponder something my friend Nick pointed out to me today, which is that maybe the world DID end. I’ll leave it to you to decide what that would mean about your existence, but for now, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

	They just don’t make gifts like THIS any more….
Cashel Daddle	Oh wait. Yes they do.
Melissa & Doug Doctor Role Play Costume Set	When I was a kid, we didn’t need a “costume set” to play doctor, we would just go behind the — GOOD GOD. Is that a SYRINGE that girl is holding?
Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer	Hopefully somebody is touching your genitals this holiday season. And if they are, now they can clean up before preparing the cranberry sauce or wrapping gifts.
Chef’n Bananza Banana Slicer	Is it just me, or is there a subtle hostility being expressed by the hand model? Trust me. Giving this gift to the man in your life will send a strong message.
Bebe Gloton Breastfeeding Doll	You’re probably only going to have one of two reactions to this. Either you’ll think it’s the greatest thing since bra burning, and celebrate the fact that this doll inspired your daughter to throw away her toy baby bottles (or better yet, your son, right?), or you’re going to recoil in horror screaming “omgwtf can’t kids just be kids any more oh jeebus h chrysler whatistheworldcoming to????”
Like and Dislike Stamps	Admit it. At least once you’ve read an email or comment somewhere other than Facebook, and reflexively gone to click “Like”. Now you can do it in real life, and do away with ALL nuance in your commentary, not just on FB.
WTF Stamp	And while you’re at it, you can “comment” in real life with this handy WTF stamp.
Shot Glass Checkers Set	This should reinvigorate interest in checkers in the over three, under sixty-seven demographic.
Pet Petter	As the package says, “Never touch your pets again”. And you can do all that never touching at an amazing 85 pats per minute!

First, the perfect gifts for your socialist friends who are pushing us off that Fiscal Cliff:

	A timeless classic which will make any socialist happy, since no commerce whatsoever need take place. At least, that is, if you’re smart about it and steal it from an abandoned coal bin. If you MUST buy it, make sure it was mined by ethically treated union members, or you’ll risk the pious wrath of your labor-loving comrade.
	Yup. A rock. But this is a politically correct holiday rock. That’s why there’s no bow or other symbol of some patriarchal, robber baron capitalist pseudo-holiday. Be sure not to suggest even a remote connection to the idea of “Pet Rocks” though, which implies “ownership” of another sentient being. Great for throwing through government windows!

Gift Ideas for Our Wealthy Overlords-to-be

Charles Dickens Action Figure	What better symbol for your new role as a Dickensian slumlord? Keep this little guy on your desk as a reminder that it’s your very purpose in life to prevent the starving masses from having a happy Christmas.
Wall Street Victim Action Figures	Put a bunch of these on the floor and shower them with worthless pieces of paper to bring back memories of the good old days, when you did the same with toxic mortgage deals but actually got to skim the cash off before the con collapsed on the little guy.
Bullwhip – 105 Inch	If you want something done right, do it yourself. Or whip someone ELSE until THEY do it right. Now that the dollar is almost worthless, you can’t create as many wage slaves. But maybe you can have REAL ones!
Potty Putter Putting Mat Golf Game	The new Wealthy Power Elite will have so much leisure time that they’ll have to practice golf while crapping, if they want to maintain a competitive game.

Gift Ideas for the New Brokeass You

Just because you’re broke doesn’t mean you get to skip Christmas. Like my grammaw always said to my cheapskate grampaw, “don’t stick a bow in yer ass and tell me it’s Christmas”

Super Mullet Wig	Your fall from the fiscal cliff is going to happen so fast you won’t even have time to grow a proper mullet to suit your new socioeconomic class. Be prepared. Get a wig.
Waitress Action Figure	You can play with this waitress action figure in your pretend restaurant, because you won’t even be able to get a waiter job at Appleby’s, let alone a REAL job.
Construction Worker Role Play Set	With any luck, by the time your kids are old enough to get a real job (at the age of eleven under the new labor laws) one of the few available will be building security fences in the gated communities of the rich. Might as well give them some occupational home schooling.
My First Tattoos Kit	This fun tattoo kit for kids will help them plan ahead so that when they end up in debtor’s prison, they won’t get one of those gaudy jail tats.
Beer Can Holster Belt	Big surprise: one of the post econopocalypse laws will prevent citizens from owning guns, for fear of an armed revolution. Beer will still be prevalent though, perhaps even encouraged. Much like how the Pharaohs kept the pyramid builders liquored up on mead. You’ll need someplace to carry it.
Lionel Tinplate Train Set ($2,759.99)	Neener neener, just kidding. Only the rich kids get actual toy trains. And they’ll cost over two grand, like this one.
Redneck Life Board Game	Still messin’ with you. This really should be in the rich people section. Not only can you not afford it, you wouldn’t find its meta-irony amusing any more.
Redneck Yard Sign	Face it. In a few years, people won’t be able to tell if you are or not, as the car you can’t afford gas for starts rusting out in the yard. Might as well plan ahead and get this now, before your credit card is cancelled.
Rosie the Riveter “We Can Do It” Action Figure	Sure. We can do it. If by “it” you mean slaving away making luxury items for your evil overlords who finally stopped outsourcing, and brought the jobs home. At the same wages they paid in China.
The Magic School Bus Chemistry Lab	After the New Power Elite finish dismantling the public school system, the six kids you have because they also outlawed birth control will have lots of time on their hands. Might as well put ‘em to work making meth like that guy in Breaking Bad. Bonus: You can get high to escape your miserable existence! Magic school bus indeed.
UPS Guy Costume	This will prepare those same kids for the inevitable job as a peon delivering the toys that the rich people buy THEIR kids on Amazon, which get shipped out each day from the ubiquitous slave camp like shipment centers, formerly known as “the post office”.
Buffalo Bill’s Hickory Shredded Beef Jerky Chew	Under normal circumstances, the poverty stricken often chew tobacco. You’ll be too broke for that. Better replace the tobacco with something that also provides nutrients. If jerky in fact contains any nutrients. The container is also great for pickup games of street hockey.
White Trash Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Upscale Trailer Park Manners	Just because you’ve been reduced to living in a trailer doesn’t mean you have to ACT like you live in a trailer. Or maybe it does. This handy guide will help you sort things out.

How can Santa bring you presents,
if you don’t know what you want?

So, you did your best to raise your precious snowflakes to be eager little capitalists. You clothed and fed them for eighteen years, then you sent little Justin and Ashley off to the finest schools your burgeoning debt and education loans could buy. And how do they repay you? They major in political science or philosophy, start THINKING and stuff, and before you know it, they RUN OFF TO JOIN THE OCCUPATION. Well, don’t give up the fight. If you disown your precious snowflake NOW, you’re doing two things to help them win their silly war against the fear and consumption driven world we lovingly crafted for them. First, by cutting them off, you’re just encouraging them to embrace their anti-consumer follies even more, running the risk that they’ll discover that money isn’t everything. Yup. Crazy as it sounds, some people ENJOY a modest lifestyle, and this peasant-like “every day’s a gift” attitude can be contagious. Second, by not spending thousands of dollars on them this Christmas like you always do, the OCCUPATION HAS ALREADY WON. Your “punishment” only punishes CAPITALISM ITSELF. So as crazy as it seems, the best way to prevent your youngster from running off and becoming some kind of vagrant, park-dwelling commie is to HELP THEM DO IT. That’s why we’ve rounded up this list of Holiday Gift Ideas for Occupiers.

Israeli Civilian Gas Mask With NATO Filter	If it’s good enough for Israel and NATO, it’s good enough for the Occupation. Although this won’t protect you from tasing, sonic assault tools, or your basic beatdown with a riot stick, it should provide relief from the stench of the camp itself.
Eureka! Apex 2 Two Person Tent	We recommend a two-person tent. You might save a few bucks on a single, but then you’ll be sleeping alone, just like you were before you left your folks’ basement to join the occupation. Anything larger, and you’ll risk having to share. Yuck.
Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple’s Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature	Must there be a guide for EVERYTHING? These days, yes. It’s one of the perils of having created the over-educated, entitled middle class that got us into this mess in the first place.
Little Hotties Body Warmer	What could be more fun in the Occupy tent than some Little Hotties? Look, we know there’s more going on in there late at night than Marxist reading groups, but when your radical hippy lovefest abruptly ends in some stupid undergrad poli-sci debate, who’s gonna keep you warm? Little Hotties. That’s who.
Occupy – A Grown-Up Coloring Book Novel	Yup. You’re gonna need something to fill the time at the camp, and when you’re stoned out of your mind in a tent 24/7, what could be more appropriate than an Occupy Coloring Book? Crayons not included.
V For Vendetta Complete Costume	Never mind that when an occupier buys the V for Vendetta mask, they’re supporting the evil corporate empire they oppose. It freakin’ LOOKS COOL. Especially if you cough up a few more bucks for the cape and the hat. Oh. And throwing knives. See below.
12 Piece Black & Silver Ninja Throwing Knife Set	This doesn’t seem like the sort of thing a liberal peacenik would need for their Occupy Wall St activities, but this is in fact a vital component of the “V for Vendetta” outfit above. Plus, it’ll probably help you get arrested, which is the whole idea of occupying, right?
Bear Grylls Survival Series Parang	Okay, this isn’t The Congo, and we’re not shooting the movie Blood Diamond, so maybe this is overkill. They just had it listed in the “people who bought Ninja Knives also bought” recommendations, and having a machete is badass. And sounds so much more acceptable when you call it a “Parang“
Kidde Pro 210 Fire Extinguisher	My grandma always said “don’t be startin’ no fire and then puttin’ it out”. Of course she said this as she nudged the bottom of the bourbon bottle if I stopped pouring too soon, but the fact is that although you WANT to fan the flames of revolution, you don’t want to do it right inside your tent.
Pyle-Pro PMP30 Professional Megaphone/Bullhorn with Siren	If you had one of these IF YOU HAD ONE OF THESE you wouldn’t have YOU WOULDN’T HAVE to speak in short phrases TO SPEAK IN SHORT PHRASES using that human mic thing USING THAT HUMAN MIC THING. Also ALSO it would take half as long IT WOULD TAKE HALF AS LONG to say everything TO SAY EVERYTHING.
UTG Tactical Goggles	We’re not sure these serve any purpose other than making you look cool when you’re standing face to face with a cop in riot gear. I mean, if they want to pepper spray you in the eyes or something, they’ll just tase you or bop you with a riot club first to knock these off.
Police Magnum Pepper Spray Now Available in Mild, Medium, Hot, and new Cool Ranch	The year 2011 will probably be most remembered for pepper spray, thanks to the NYPD, UC Davis, and that crazy lady at Walmart. Join the fun with your OWN pepper spray arsenal. And it’s even “police grade”, whatever THAT means. Now available in Mild, Medium, Hot, and Cool Ranch.
Chaos CTR Adrenaline Balaclava	No popular revolt is complete without Balaclavas. Although generally appropriate attire for fascist police forces violating the privacy of average citizens as they throw America’s search and seizure laws out the window, they look just as stylish at the Occupy camp. Not to be confused with the Greek pastry that Greek austerity has made a rare treat in Greece itself.
Potassium Iodate Anti-Radiation Pills	Sooner or later, the US government is bound to resort to DOMESTIC false flag operations, and do something like planting a dirty bomb at an Occupy camp. Be prepared with some Potassium Iodate Anti-Radiation Pills.
Briefcase Solar Generator	No batteries? NO PROBLEM. Power that Bose sound system and iPod dock that was manufactured with the bleeding fingers of Asian children with this slim briefcase-shaped solar unit. Inspector Gadget trenchcoat not included.
The Virtue of Selfishness	A note to parents: sure, Ayn Rand died penniless and collecting government benefits under another name, but that makes this book no less valuable as one of the most effective propaganda pieces in your capitalist arsenal. Plus, they can burn it to keep warm if they like.
Global Protection Night Light Glow in the Dark Condoms	These are handy when the batteries run out and no-one feels like climbing on the bicycle generator to shed some light on things. And while it comes across as a caring gift, promoting safe sex, admit it. The last thing a capitalist parent wants is for these Occupiers to START BREEDING.

Celebrate three holidays in one with a sexy santa
outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit.

The last few days before Christmas can be hectic, and for some, even depressing. Like for those folks who try to throw a party for Global Orgasm Day every year. The results may be premature, but if the visitor counter on their site is accurate, it looks like nobody came. Then of course we have Festivus on the 23rd. Which is why we pointed out last year that you may as well roll the two together. This year, as you can see in the image on the left, we’re suggesting you roll all three holidays together with a sexy santa outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit. We’re not being sexist here; we think that combo is suitable for either women or men. If the military doesn’t ask, why would we? So speaking of hectic, we have some last minute Christmas shopping to do ourselves, and since we like to think that we give you a little gift almost 365 days a year, we may take a day or two off. If you have last minute shopping to do and you’re stuck for gift ideas, check out some of our offbeat Christmas gift suggestions. They’re probably more entertaining than useful, but range from the inexpensive to the insanely expensive, to the downright perverse. And if the holiday music that’s been subliminally filtering into your brain since the day after Halloween hasn’t left you feeling like the victim of some kind of merchandising psy-ops, we’ve also rounded up a ton of both classic and quirky Christmas music ideas. Anything special you’d like for Christmas this year? Tell us in a comment. There’s nothing we’d love more than to stuff your stockings.

Sure. The Pipedream Products Christmas Tree
looks harmless enough. Until you look
closer and realize Santa has a little secret.

Last year on Cyber Monday , we compiled a list of the weirdest things we could find on Amazon. This year, we thought we’d “push the poor taste envelope” a bit and instead of just rounding up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon, we thought we’d round up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon’s sexual wellness section. For the record, after spending an hour or so “researching”, we’re not so sure about the “wellness” part. So although we’ve spared you the more offensive items, if you’re the least bit prudish and are looking for gift ideas, we recommend maybe checking out Amazon’s regular Cyber Monday specials. But if you’ve never delved into this section of their site – it’s buried under “Health & Personal Care” and items don’t show up in normal searches – then join us for a brief excursion to the real Island of Misfit Toys. And pray that the creepy nerd three cubes over who visits our site isn’t your Secret Santa. For the most amusement, try guessing what the items are before reading the details. Sometimes a flashlight is just a flashlight. Sometimes it isn’t.

	At first glance, you might think this is some kind of…um…dear lord. I dunno. A computer cooling fan? A “Think Pink” ice scraper? But no. It’s a Sliquid Sqweel Oral Sex Simulator. Knowing that, all I can think of when I see this image is a disgusting “luh luh luh” sound.
	Looking for all the world like a pacifier that was left on the dashboard of your car last summer, you may be disturbed to discover that this is in fact a Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue Stimulator. Look. I don’t care if you use one of these, just promise me you won’t kiss grandma on Christmas with that perverted little mouth of yours.
	Looking for a new harpoon gun for your whaling vessel? Well, look somewhere else, because this is a Caesar 110 Volt Personal Pleasure Machine. I don’t know who would derive pleasure from this, but if this is their idea of pleasure, I’m sure a hundred ten volts will do the trick.
	It’s just a flashlight, right? Please, just be a flashlight. Nope. It’s a Fleshlight Pink Lady Stamina Training Unit. We’ve done you the favor of displaying the less offensive image. This could be a useful “message” gift for the partner who tends to “jump to conclusions”.
	It’s odd how Apple computer design seems to have influenced so many products. No, they’re not swimming goggles, it’s the Luna Balls Pleasure Bead System. I’m at a loss as to why they need any transparent parts, considering their likely destination.
	Form doesn’t always follow function, and this isn’t what you probably think. It’s the FroliCat Interactive Laser Pet Toy. Although I’m sure one could find other uses for it. It’s got a FRICKIN’ LASER in it.
	I know. You’re wondering why we included a high-tech coffee grinder in this round up. We’re not, we’re just continuing the pet theme for a second because I think the the Bionaire Odor Grabber Litter Box somehow fits. I mean, does the person who actually buys this think their cat wants to be an astronaut, or are they some kind of weird “cat scat” voyeur?
	If you read about the item above, the natural reaction would be “Oh for Christ sake! Not a URINAL for pets!” No worries, it’s a Drinkwell Platinum Pet Fountain. Until they figure out how to package bottled water for cats, this will have to do.
	So, back to the origanal theme. In spite of the “Silence of the Lambs” vibe going on here, the Humane Restraint Locking Bed Wrist Restraint set could actually be quite a practical purchase for after the holidays, when the credit card bills start rolling in.
	I feel confident in saying that no normal person – especially a woman – wants to see the words “vaginal”, “speculum”, and “beginner” all in the same sentence. Alas, we bring you the Vaginal Speculum Beginners Speculum Kit. The product description says it “takes playing doctor to a new level”. I think I’ll skip that level.
	Little Willy Condoms are another gift idea that could send a strong message. Look at poor little Willy pondering his little willy. So sad.

As you struggle with the rude and poverty-stricken masses at Wal-Mart, using the new credit card you won’t be able to pay off to buy your kids enough presents that they won’t confuse your life with the one the Cratchits are living in the Disney 3D movie they’re watching (in 2D) with no sitter while you shop, you’ll be glad to know that Wall Street bankers and DC politicians will have their own struggles. Like the annoying peon staff they have to endure when they buy their kids $15,000 gingerbread houses at Neiman Marcus or life-size stuffed ponies at FAO Schwarz. Below are just a few of the gifts bailed out bankers will be buying their kids with your tax dollars. (By the way, if you think we’re rushing this whole Christmas thing, maybe you should check out our weird and alternative thanksgiving ideas.

Burberry Quilted Diaper Bag $1,095.00	When you’re a Wall Street billionaire, your kid shits gold bricks, so nothing less than Burberry will suffice for toting around your precious little one’s latest “accident”. Bonus: it’s imported, so you can rest assured that it was made by starving children overseas, not those assholes that are always tapping on your limo windows trying to make a buck by washing them.
BUGABOO RED Complete Cameleon Stroller $1,029.00	The description says “The BUGABOO RED Cameleon is a multi-terrain, infant-to-toddler stroller that features a reversible and height-adjustable handlebar and swivel wheel suspension, allowing for easy navigation and maximum comfort for parent and child“. Like anyone’s gonna be pushing this thing around besides the help. Part of the high price presumably covers the production work for the included instructional DVD.
Burberry Medium Check Backpack, Dusty Blossom $295.00	It’s amazing that a kid’s backpack that costs this much could also be so ugly. They must have done this to minimize the chances of  the kid getting mugged on the way to the butler’s car. They really should’ve made it out of Kevlar though. Any kid carrying this is more likely to get shot just for being the pompous brat they inevitably are.
Hansa Buffalo – Life Size $2499.99	This life sized (six feet tall) Buffalo comes with a teaching tag which describes the animal’s habitat, lifestyle, care of young and eating habits. Presumably to help rich little climate change deniers know what animals were like, because they’ll all be extinct by the time they’re grownups. Partly thanks to that Burberry diaper bag above. Will support riders up to 150 lbs, which unfortunately excludes most of the fat little brats who would actually want it.
Hansa Husky Dog – Life Size $389.99	The great thing about a gift like this is that it helps the kid to avoid building emotional bonds in preparation for things like “trophy wives” and “getting your MRS” at Swarthmore or wherever. Husky Dog comes with HANSA’s “Toys that Teach” tag so you can learn about its life in the wilds of the Arctic. Which of course (like the buffalo above) won’t exist by the time the kid’s a grownup.
FAO Schwarz 54 inch Jumbo Two Tone Bear $799.99	The description says “A huggable new buddy is ready to be your friend!” Which is good, because you won’t have any others. Someone should think about hiring the homeless for this job. The kid’ll be tired of this thing in a week or two, and 800 bucks would feed a homeless guy for like, 60 days, even factoring in the half-pints of booze.
Hansa Black Beauty – Life Size $877.99 ($790.00 on Amazon)	So, you want a pony? I got yer freakin’ pony right here. Except it’s not a cute little pony, it’s a goddamn “horse replica”. I thought rich people rode REAL horses.
Snow White’s Cottage Playhouse – $5999.00	The perfect place for your precious princess to hitch her $900 stuffed horse. Until her jerkoff brother pulls up in his Mini-Hummer (below) to bust up the tea party. No word on whether the price includes servants; I’d check the fine print and also get an appraiser in on things too. This thing will probably depreciate rapidly in today’s real estate market.
Polaris Ranger RZR Sport – $699.99	It’s amazing how the kid in the picture already has that “my dad could buy your dad” smug bastard look at such a young age. The only drawback with this mini SUV is that it uses no petroleum products, except in the plastic body parts. Make sure to buy your kid a noisy, oil-burning dirt bike as an adjunct to this gift, lest he starts finding the idea of a Prius appealing before he even has a license.
Ferrari FXX Exclusive Pedal Go-kart from Berg Toys – $2,564.05	If you’re gonna throw down so much money for this kind of thing, you might as well get something with a more prestigious brand attached to it. Besides, this Ferrari-branded go cart has double disc-brakes, a dashboard computer, and a 5-Year Performance Guarantee.
InStep Pink Lady Pedal Car $105.00	Might as well face the facts though. At best your kid’s getting one of these. With some practice they could probably pull off a hit and run and snag the Burberry backpack from the rich kid though. It would be a nice match.
Striker Pro Soccer Simulator $15,509.95	Given the ostracized precious snowflake existence your little brat is going to live, at least let them get some exercise once in a while without getting their ass kicked by regular kids. This Soccer Simulator has the added benefit of tuning your kid into an international sport and attitude, further assuring they won’t get distracted by lowbrow pursuits like baseball and football.
Tractor Time Crane $3,125.00	This is the perfect gift for a budding young entrpeneur to be. He can fill it with all the crap gifts he swiped from his folks’ PR-driven gift drive at the corporation they own, and laugh while his middle class friends spend all their money trying to get a normal sized teddy bear.

Sadly, for some people the holiday season is a time of frustration, anxiety and resentment. And apparently, this is especially true for Flash game developers, who probably all grew up as misunderstood misanthropes who never got what they wanted at Christmas because their parents didn’t understand their genius. Well, they’re silently eeking out their revenge; we went looking for fun and happy holiday-themed games to keep you amused this week, but were surprised by how many were based instead on violence and vengeance. We could understand Rudolphs Kick n’ Fly, in which Rudolph kicks elves into the air (much like Kitty Cannon), because no one really gets hurt, and Rudolph has every right to be upset after the abuse he received as a child. But Rudolph’s Revenge is downright ruthless, with a scrappy, gun-toting Rudolph that looks like he’s been working at the North Pole meth lab for too long. And why does Santa need a gun? The truth is, both Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance tease your inner psycho with sinister Santas who look like they’re out for blood in intense first person shooters, and then the games actually serve up silly little pixelated Santas that only move in two dimensions. Jingle Ballistics is doubly misleading; there are no bullets, and not much jingle, just a choice of a snowman, an elf, or a sullen Santa for one-on-one boxing matches. In the continued mind-numbing search (I say mind-numbing because I for one really am not a gamer) for something a little chippier to keep you amused, we thought maybe we’d find a clever or cute snowball game like Snowcraft, and ran across a little journey into psychosis misleadingly called Snowball Holiday Flash Game. It took a minute to realize that the the weird things hanging in the viewframe weren’t curtains, but an anime girl’s hair, and the little penises that kept popping up were little arrows telling you where to go. Not having much interest in dressing up to pretend to be a little Japanese girl, we didn’t get far enough to see if there actually WAS a snowball game somewhere in there. Weird. If you try it, let us know. Game designers also seem to have a certain fascination with Santa or the elves falling off roofs, so we have games like Elfquilibrium or Sober Santa (again, a misnomer, he’s DRUNK!), and there are also a lot of games where you shoot people, elves, or other things as you collect presents, as in Christmas Attack Game or Wrap Attack. The latter, like the Santa games mentioned, teases with heavy metal and sinister images, and disappoints with crappy country rock guitar and sissy graphics. Inevitably there are also games this time of year developed by tech or media companies (that’s where Snowcraft came from back in 1999) and this year we have Santarider, brought to you by PPC management software company Acquisio. I have a feeling someone over on the development team derives a perverse pleasure from knowing how hard it is to not kill their fellow employees as you try to keep Santa’s sleigh aloft. So anyone know of any nice holiday games we can play? Feel free to share. I’m feeling a bit scrooged.

No, those aren’t window dressings, it’s a girl’s bangs, and that’s an arrow, not a penis. Snowball Holiday Flash Game is more like surreal anime girl version of Being John Malkovich:

No wonder Rudolph wants revenge. I think he’s been spending too much time at the meth lab.
And what is it with gamers and spelling, anyway?

Games like Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance promise this…..

…but give you this:

Likewise with Wrap Attack, which promises a bad-ass elf….

…but gives you tinkerbell:

And see how many Acquisio employees you can take out with Santarider: