Last minute WTF Christmas Ideas
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 20, 2012 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, December 20th, 2012Actually, the most “WTF” thing about this all is the article thumbnail and its caption. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Just sit on Santa's lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up, okay son?
The other day a friend of mine caught her eight year old daughter using “WTF” all over her Facebook comments. “Do you even know what that means honey?”, she asked. “Of course I do mom. It means ‘wow that’s funny’”, her daughter replied. Of course this didn’t actually happen, at least not in my life; that little story has been kicking around the web since at least 2008. But it’s perfect for filling in the word count on fluff pieces based on “WTF Christmas Presents”, so there you have it. We’ve done plenty of roundups of offbeat Christmas gift ideas before, in fact, we did one just the other day. And although some of the stuff we’ve found was seriously weird, somehow we’ve never gotten around to doing a straight-up “WTF gifts” piece. So we figured with the end of the world (which scenario will it be?) just a couple of days away, we’d better squeeze one in. If you happen to be reading this after December 21, 2012, go ahead and bask in the cocky assuredness that the world didn’t end after all. But then ponder something my friend Nick pointed out to me today, which is that maybe the world DID end. I’ll leave it to you to decide what that would mean about your existence, but for now, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
We Wish You a Fiscal Cliffmas
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 14, 2012 by admin in Holidays
Friday, December 14th, 2012Don’t let the government have ALL the fun. Spend yourself into oblivion this Christmas with these great gift ideas for the brokeass masses and their overlords to be.
We thought our job was done. In past years, we had pretty much covered the whole “Christmas Gift Ideas as Linkbait” idea, having touched on everything from insanely expensive gifts you might hope to get, to disturbing and perverse gifts you hope you DON’T get. Last year we were so desperate for a new gift theme that we resorted to Christmas Gifts for Occupiers. What could possibly be left? Well, thanks to those clowns in Washington who will gleefully spend 3 billion dollars to get elected but can’t balance a US budget to save their lives, we’re back! While most of us drive off our OWN fiscal cliff just about every Christmas and wake up in the wreckage in January, this is the first time in a while that the government has paused for a moment and said “Holy crap! We’re broke!” Never mind the fact that this has pretty much ALWAYS been the case. This is different! It’s a FISCAL CLIFF for chrissakes. WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE ‘CAUSE THERE’S NO MONEY. Or so some politicians would like us to believe. It’s especially ironic that the GOP was the source of the term “Fiscal Cliff”; somewhere in their clever plan to slap the label on Obama, things backfired. Probably because they overlooked the fact that we’re too smart to ignore the fact that you don’t have to be in a particular party to be a greedy, self-serving, irresponsible twit. “It takes a pillage” as they say. One thing’s for sure. No politician who spent his whole life engineering the kind of pay, perks, and health insurance that congressman enjoy will ever fail to keep the honey flowing. Which – as usual – will have no bearing on OUR lot in life. As the global economy continues its gyrations, the average American will be more brokeass than ever, and “middle class” will become a meaningless phrase as we spiral into a Dickensian world of poverty for the many, and king-like riches for the few. So this year’s roundup focuses on gift ideas for the brokeass and classless, i.e.: you and me, our rich overlords to be, and a couple for the filthy commies who voted Obama back in office so he could finish single-handledly destroying our economy and way of life with his evil socialist agenda. Gift ideas below. Most of them are free or under ten bucks on Amazon. Read the rest of this entry »
Occupy Christmas – 15 Gift Ideas For The Young Occupier In Your Life
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 29, 2011 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, November 29th, 2011Parents, face it. If you cut off your good-for-nothing radical kid this Christmas, you’re only punishing CAPITALISM ITSELF.
 How can Santa bring you presents, if you don’t know what you want? |
So, you did your best to raise your precious snowflakes to be eager little capitalists. You clothed and fed them for eighteen years, then you sent little Justin and Ashley off to the finest schools your burgeoning debt and education loans could buy. And how do they repay you? They major in political science or philosophy, start THINKING and stuff, and before you know it, they RUN OFF TO JOIN THE OCCUPATION. Well, don’t give up the fight. If you disown your precious snowflake NOW, you’re doing two things to help them win their silly war against the fear and consumption driven world we lovingly crafted for them. First, by cutting them off, you’re just encouraging them to embrace their anti-consumer follies even more, running the risk that they’ll discover that money isn’t everything. Yup. Crazy as it sounds, some people ENJOY a modest lifestyle, and this peasant-like “every day’s a gift” attitude can be contagious. Second, by not spending thousands of dollars on them this Christmas like you always do, the OCCUPATION HAS ALREADY WON. Your “punishment” only punishes CAPITALISM ITSELF. So as crazy as it seems, the best way to prevent your youngster from running off and becoming some kind of vagrant, park-dwelling commie is to HELP THEM DO IT. That’s why we’ve rounded up this list of Holiday Gift Ideas for Occupiers. Read the rest of this entry »
Last Minute Christmas Shopping?
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 21, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010Finding those last minute Christmas gifts can be stressful, but let’s gather round the Festivus Pole for a moment and say a prayer for the Global Orgasm Day crowd. They threw a party, but nobody came.
  Celebrate three holidays in one with a sexy santa outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit . |
The last few days before Christmas can be hectic, and for some, even depressing. Like for those folks who try to throw a party for Global Orgasm Day every year. The results may be premature, but if the visitor counter on their site is accurate, it looks like nobody came. Then of course we have Festivus on the 23rd. Which is why we pointed out last year that you may as well roll the two together. This year, as you can see in the image on the left, we’re suggesting you roll all three holidays together with a sexy santa outfit
15 Inexpensive Christmas Toy Gift Ideas For Dystopians
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010This Christmas, why not think about some gifts that will prepare your children for the seemingly inevitable dystopian and gender-confused future that awaits them? We’ve rounded up some affordable toys to help you do it.
