A Yidiot’s Guide To Hannukah
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 11, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Friday, December 11th, 2009The closest a lot of Christian Americans come to religious tolerance is eating Hebrew National hot dogs at baseball games, but the fact is, Christmas wouldn’t be what it is without the influence of Jewish people. Especially that Jesus fellow.
 For some reason, George Bush really seemed to connect with the idea of the “miracle of the container of oil”. |
If you’re someone who celebrates Christmas because you’re, um, maybe a little bit Christian or something, you may wonder why you should concern yourself with the annual celebration of Hannukah. I mean, beyond being all Christian-like and tolerant of other people’s faiths and whatnot. Well, let’s take a moment to remember a few things, some of which you may already know, some of which will surprise you. First, you wouldn’t even have a saviour, if it weren’t for those Hannukah celebraters. Jesus was Jewish, you know. Very Jewish. And for that matter, if you believe what you read in scripture, the WHOLE WORLD might not be here if it weren’t for those folks who wrote the bigger part of your favorite book. Moses? Noah? Yup. Jews. So while you’re all busy being tolerant, remember that they were here first, and so actually they’re being tolerant. They don’t believe in your God man, but rarely give you any crap about it. In fact, as this Slate piece points out, they’ve gone out of their way to play nice and do the gift giving and tree thing. I don’t think Jesus recommended those activities anyway, but whatever. It’s the thought that counts. So if you don’t know anything about Hannukah, take some time to read up, kids. Because without the people that celebrate it, you wouldn’t have on the Levis you’re wearing while you sip that Starbucks coffee as you take a break from buying DKNY and Kenneth Cole gifts at Macy’s. And while you’re reading up, put on some nice Jewish music. This will be easy, because as we pointed out the other day, most of your favorite Christmas songs were written by Jews. Read the rest of this entry »
What Would Jesus Do About Health Care In America?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on August 16, 2009 by admin in Politics
Sunday, August 16th, 2009And when will the Democratic Party learn that it’s not about principles, it’s about media control?
 See More At Jesus’ General |
The answer to that will probably remain open to speculation. If you don’t believe in Jesus, you’ll probably say “Nothing. He’s dead, if he ever existed“. If you do believe in Jesus though, I’d hazard to guess that you’d agree that he’d say something like “Let’s stop all these wars and heal some sick people with the money we save“, unlike the Christian Right (Why do they call them that anyway? They never are.) which continues to believe in torture and war while attacking the idea of saving lives. On a more personal and practical level though, I’d like to address this Obama fellow, and his handling of the continued irrational ranting of the far right. Hey White House staff! Did you learn NOTHING from the last eight years? Somebody let me at that Napoleonic twit Rahm Emanuel. I’ll kick his midget ass six ways to Sunday and start a new media blitz where the White House DOESN’T moronically defend itself from the psychotic ramblings of a bunch of health and insurance industry funded astroturfers. FRAME THE DEBATE Mr. Obama. Don’t even directly address the idiocy that extreme conservatives and the health/insurance industries spew. Keep talking about change, and MAKE IT HAPPEN. If you keep up the ignorant and ineffective tendency to chomp on every piece of insane spin-bait they throw your way, your agenda remains doomed. Which I wouldn’t mind, except I thought when I voted you guys in that your agenda had something to do with our agenda. I also thought you were smarter than this. Is it too late to take my vote back? Unfortunately, this is not a battle over principles, it’s a battle over the media, and the current administration is losing. Routinely. C’mon you guys, you’re smarter than this. President Obama has more intelligence in his pinky than a county full of red state values voters. Let it show.
How To Sell Your Soul (Or Put It In Cold Storage Until You’re Ready)
[ Comments Off ]Posted on July 12, 2009 by admin in Popular Media
Sunday, July 12th, 2009A funny thing happened on the way to selling my soul. I found a trailer for the movie Cold Souls.
 Be careful in your dealings with Satan. He can be a real Dick sometimes. |
With the state of the economy recently, it may have occurred to you to sell your soul to put an end to your financial woes. We were doing a little research along these lines to help you out when we ran across an interesting company that made us ask ourselves the question: why not just put it in cold storage until you decide? Unfortunately, it turned out upon further perusal that in spite of the fact that the company even has a Facebook page – which of course always lends a great deal of credibility to an organization’s brand – it is in fact itself the worst form of selling your soul (at least if you’re on a team assigned to marketing a product), a slightly botched viral marketing campaign for the movie Cold Souls, due for release in August. Actually the film looks promising, see a trailer here. But if you came here more interested in selling your soul than storing it, here are some quick guides to help you get on that road to hell. This page looks credible; it gets right to the point with red text on a black background, a “666″ in the URL, and a form you can fill out right away. This rambling guide, presented by the a member of the British Church of Satan , also looks promising. After rambling on for awhile about how to do it, it then suggests Satan doesn’t exist. Which, as we all know, is exactly how Satan works. They also provide a handy Amazon link to the Satanic Bible
Does God Really Hate Fags?
[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 7, 2009 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Sunday, June 7th, 2009And in a world in which rape is part of the manufacturing process for cell phones, do we maybe have more pressing issues to discuss?
 If I didn’t know better, I might be inclined to think this man were gay himself |
One of the only things I really want in life is to understand people, and to be understood. I think this is true for many of us. Understanding is a lot like love, and I feel safe in saying, therefore, that all many of us want is to love and be loved. When you have a lot of love and understanding, you usually find some peace, and if you put the three together, you get a great tune like What’s So Funny ’bout Peace Love & Understanding. Lately though, I’ve felt a little frustrated around two topics that come up a lot in social dialogue: God and homosexuality. On the God topic, I get frustrated because I feel like spiritual beliefs are something you share when someone asks you to do so, not something you run around screaming about. I just never see much of anything good happening whenever anybody actively expresses their beliefs about the origin and meaning of human life before it comes up through simpler conversation. And likewise, although I have close friends who pretty much cover all the gender orientations, I don’t really care much whom you want to have sex with unless you and I know each other and it’s somehow germane to the conversation. I’m just tired, really tired, of people telling me whether they believe in God or not when I didn’t ask, and people proclaiming their beliefs on homosexuality, whether they’re hatemongering freaks like Fred Phelps, the bent Baptist behind the “God Hates Fags” movement, or just a friend trying to further their civil rights in an obviously socially immature country. And all of this, it seems to me, has a simple basis: a kind of emotional immaturity that drives people to put the contradictions of life that they can’t accept into polarized perceptions Read the rest of this entry »
Jesus Camp And Why You Should Fear God
[ Comments Off ]Posted on May 31, 2009 by admin in Popular Media
Sunday, May 31st, 2009Or, why Jesus Camp will be your favorite new horror film.
Though the lady in this clip speaks in tongues, her message of “Dubya stands for WORSHIP” gets through. |
Well, if God is the one highlighted in the film Jesus Camp