Fashionable Fear-Mongering: World War III With China
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on December 29, 2010 by admin in Politics
Wednesday, December 29th, 2010Now that the TSA’s relentless breast and crotch groping has saved us from the threat of radical Islamic underwear bombers, we can focus on new irrational fears. Like war with China.
 I surrender. |
How’s your Mandarin? Do you like Chinese food? These are good questions, because if you’re tired of the same old fear-mongering about radical Islamic terrorists, we have an even more terrifying thought for you. What if suddenly you couldn’t afford a new cell phone or flat-screen TV because China started restricting their exports of rare earth metals? Now there’s something the average American would go to war over. And the idea of war with China isn’t so preposterous; we’re already at war, and have been for a while now. So far we’ve been just fighting about who’s state-controlled capitalism is better for the world. Their brand, in which they cleverly make the Japanese buy dollars by buying Yen to manipulate currency? Or our brand, in which Ben Bernanke just prints more money to manipulate currency? Some think China is flipping off America with their strategies, while others take a more balanced view, pointing out that we need China to do this. And still others take a longer view and suggest we need to turn this “financial cold war” into a new game of Mutual Assured Destruction, only this time based on economics. But it’s not really just the sanctity of our electronic gadgets or the once almighty dollar we have to worry about, because China’s defense minister said yesterday that China is preparing for armed conflict ‘in every direction’. So what would war with China look like for the US? Pretty grim, according to a RAND study published a few months ago. Not only do they have submarines that can pop out of nowhere and a missile that can take out an aircraft carrier, but if you believe the stats on this page, China has twice as many people fit for military service as there are people in the United States. I’ll just be signing up for that Mandarin class now, so I can welcome our new overlords with a hearty Ni Hao! By the way, if you don’t understand why Ben Bernanke likes the money printing solution, see the video below. Read the rest of this entry »
The QE2, The Titanic, And Why I Didn’t Vote Last Week
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 6, 2010 by admin in Politics
Saturday, November 6th, 2010But I’m glad you were on deck screaming “I don’t think we should sink!” I’m sure it helped. Oh. And all these “bubbles” you keep hearing about? They’re normal when a huge ship is going down.
 Context here if you don’t get this joke |
Yesterday a friend asked me if I voted last week. I calmly said “nope”, to find myself on the receiving end of a laser-like liberal glare that screamed “how could you abandon us at this crucial juncture in history?“, but then out loud they said “Why the f— NOT? Are you RETARDED or something???” I then reminded my liberal friend that it’s not nice to say “retarded”, and went on to explain that my decision not to vote was part of my plan to accelerate my collapsitarian vision for a shiny new apocalypse. You see, what liberal, conservative, and especially that other bunch of voters seemed not to notice last week was the fact that Ben Bernanke had instructed Washington to print a bunch of money in a quantitative easing effort. For those of you not familiar with sophisticated economic terminology, 1 bunch=$600,000,000, and according to many, quantitative easing = bank bailout. To me the best part of this all is that since everyone’s calling it “QE2″, we no longer have to resort to that hackneyed “polishing the brass on the Titanic” line. The QE2, as you may recall, was the last of the great steam-powered luxury liners, whose only satisfied customers were probably the British soldiers that she ferried to the Falkland War. The debate will rage about this economic strategy until the results manifest themselves, but for one of the more balanced views of what’s going on (even if you do think he’s full of shibboleth) Paul Krugman sums things up here. And there’s one likely side effect of this cash injection that I find hilarious: in spite of the fact that if teabaggers had any idea what’s going on in the real world, they would be in a psychotic rage about the government printing a bunch of money at a time like this. But in their inexplicable ignorance, they’ll support it with every bone in their little heads, because clearly, if the rest of the world thinks an idea is stupid, it must be the patriotic thing to do. By the way, if you want to print your own money at will just like Ben, HowStuffWorks has excellent step-by-step instructions. Read the rest of this entry »
False Profits Of The Econopocalypse
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on March 4, 2010 by admin in Politics
Thursday, March 4th, 2010We’re in the midst of a great opportunity to create real change, and we’re blowing it, because bankers are smarter than we are.
 Maybe these banker guys just have better connections than the rest of us do |
I’ve often said that two of the best jobs in the world to have are Economist or Weatherman. Who else gets paid so much to be wrong so often? I was reminded of this recently while reading Busted: Dean Baker On The Price We’re Still Paying For The Housing Bubble in The Sun Magazine. Granted, The Sun is about is hippy-dippy liberal as publications get, but Baker says some insightful things in the piece, key amongst them being that “Economists think they’re doing their job if they are saying the same thing everyone else is saying“. He points out that economists tend to say what their bosses want to hear, for risk of damaging their careers; a couple of classic examples of this being of course demi-god Alan Greenspan, who finally fessed up about how wrong he was, and Ben Bernanke, who’s been saying there’s no bubble since 2005. Guess who still has the sweet job? Bernanke just began his second term as Chairman of the Federal Reserve on February 1. What boggles my mind at this point is that now that we KNOW top-level government and banking experts were so wrong, why do they still have jobs? If you were to make a series of decisions that bankrupted the company you work for, what would you expect to happen? The answer is obvious, so why do we – as a people – tolerate the ongoing abuse of the very banks we bailed out? Why didn’t the taxpayers get profit sharing and bonuses for bailing out the banks, instead of the CEO’s that caused the mess? I’ve been whining about the bailouts since day one, and have remained astounded at how little coverage the Quiet Coup has gotten. That Atlantic article just linked to explores what’s really happening in America right now, pointing out that “…the finance industry has effectively captured our government…” and that “…recovery will fail unless we break the financial oligarchy that is blocking essential reform…”. Which is why I’m glad some doomsayers are still saying that we’re Running On Empty or asking if maybe the government is Hiding How it Bailed Out AIG and Goldman. And finally congress at least seems to be looking at it this all as a problem. If you haven’t quite come to understand or accept the fact that your government has been “hijacked by the oligarchs” read this lengthy but level-headed Bill Moyers interview with Simon Johnson. You might start thinking that healthcare is the least of your worries.
Are We All Just Marks In The Hugest Hustle In History?
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on October 18, 2009 by admin in Politics
Sunday, October 18th, 2009I can’t help noticing that some people are getting richer while the rest of us struggle to get by.
 Tim Geithner Demonstrates Just How Much He Cares About The Average Working Stiff |
I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been conned in the biggest pigeon drop in history. While it’s nice to see the FBI go after a few greedy billionaires for insider trading, I’m tired of wealthy capitalist guys in suits that cost more than my housing for a year first telling us that we need a socialist banking system, then that they need 23 trillion of our imaginary future tax dollars to save capitalism, then that it’s none of our business where the money goes, even when we sue and win to find out, then that in spite of the fact that they deceived us at the outset that these same rich banker capitalist guys will be happy to loan the government banks money to save them. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this picture? In a similar era in US history, Franklin D. Roosevelt said “We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics“. This idea is highlighted by the points made in the NYT piece Bailout Helps Fuel a New Era of Wall Street Wealth, in which they quote Gary Richardson, a research fellow at the National Bureau of Economic Research as saying (in reference to the banks that have been bailed out): “we have just shown them that they can have the most frightening things happen to them, and we will throw trillions of dollars to protect them. I have big concerns about that.” So do I. How about you? Read the rest of this entry »
Jolly Diwaliween & Other Politically Incorrect October Holiday Ideas
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on October 17, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, October 17th, 2009Did Diwali sneak up on you unexpectedly again this year? No worries, we have a solution. And like last year, the scariest thing about Halloween is probably the economy.
  The author of this article is an alien and is not offended by this costume. |
If you missed the fact that Diwali was a little earlier in October this year, we have a helpful tip. With Halloween only two weeks away, just carve your pumpkins early, stick candles in all of them, and celebrate “Diwaliween”. Just so you don’t make the same mistake in the future, here are the dates for Diwali through 2022. Also on the 17th this year, we have that dose of artificial sweetener called “Sweetest Day”, which – although charming on the surface – was actually created by businessmen in Cleveland in 1921 to sell candy. With equally shallow sentiments, we have United Nations Day on the 24th, when – much like the rest of the year – United Nations members aren’t. By the way, Diwali wasn’t the only celebration we almost overlooked; in case you weren’t aware that there’s energy, October is Energy Awareness Month. For those of you who need all your information in the form of an interactive Flash game, EnergyStar has graciously complied. Because you know, simply listing things would be boring. Who knew that turning off the lights saves energy? Personally, I think they could’ve saved a lot of energy by firing the person that created that interactive graphic. Still to come this month, we of course have Halloween. Last year, the scariest thing about Halloween was the fact that Ben Bernanke and Hank Paulson were in charge of averting global economic collapse. This year, the scariest thing is that they don’t seem to have fixed much; retail sales appear to be down about 18% for the season. Perhaps if retailers like Target stopped offending middle-income liberal elitists by selling tasteless “illegal alien” themed costumes, sales would improve. We’re not offended, so in the interest of a healthy economy, we’d like to point out that although Target pulled the product, Amazon and others haven’t. Buy one today