More Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on February 14, 2011 by admin in Holidays
Monday, February 14th, 2011Don’t be stupid. Be cupid. We have lots of Valentine’s day gift ideas, but if you only give one gift today, give some love. Damn. I wish Facebook had a LOVE button.
  Careful, that Love Gun is loaded, ’cause even Outkast knows that Every Day Is Valentine’s Day |
Happy Valentine’s day everybody. Especially you angry guys that were spreading your anti-romance propaganda all over the comments on our recent piece Last Minute Valentine Gifts For Romance Impaired Misogynists. You probably need some lovin’ more than anybody. Some people feel that Valentine’s Day has become a hollow Hallmark holiday, commercialized into meaninglessness just like Christmas. Which is partly true; I mean, why else would we spend so much time putting together clever but opportunistic Amazon product linkfests like our suggestions for personalized Valentine’s gifts (because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them). Or Valentines Day & Love Is Like Christmas At The Mall & Jesus . Or Valentine’s Day 2009: Is That Love Gun Loaded? Because nothing says “I Love You” like a $40,000 watch. Or any of our other offbeat Valentine gift ideas . If you really loved us, you’d buy something through those darn product links. Because nothing says “I love you” like a monthly commission check, right? But this crass commercialization of Valentine’s day is only a small part of the fun. If you’ve got your undies in a bunch about the whole thing, you’re doing it wrong. Or wait. I guess that depends on where your undies are in a bunch, and how they got there. The thing is, any holiday can suck, if you try hard enough. You can let external forces make you miserable, pondering things like whether or not edible panties are too intimate a gift for a third date, or whether you got the great table at the right restaurant, or – like those angry men we referenced earlier – sitting around bitching about why SHE isn’t doing all the spending. As we pointed out last year in Love Me, Love My Dog, men outspend women almost two to one. But if you do these things, you’re missing the point, and missing the fun. If you strip Valentine’s Day down to its essential meaning, it’s about expressing LOVE. And there’s nothin’ wrong with love. So do yourself and everybody else a favor. Chill out, and spread a little. If you spent ten bucks on those cheap grade-school Valentine cards for everybody at the office instead of grudgingly buying someone a bunch of roses or a pricey dinner, you’d be surprised at how many more smiles you see today, and how much better you feel. Personally, I think Outkast has it right with the idea that EVERY day is Valentine’s Day, which is why I think I think I’ll give Happy Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day: Love Me, Love My Dog
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on February 10, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010Saying “I love you” is just another way of saying “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman”
 Make your own candy heart over at Demotivators.com |
Given the potential stress and expense of Valentine’s Day and today’s science-based eHarmony approach to love, perhaps you won’t find it surprising that rather than lavish chocolates and roses on a lover, millions of people choose instead to show their love for themselves or their dog. And it seems that otherwise, two of the biggest beneficiaries of V-Day love are condom makers and flower shops. According to this article, sales of both spike in February, with roses enjoying a really special boost. Buy on the 15th, and the price drops from $109 to $59. But of the $17 billion dollars spent this Valentine’s day, $10.7 billion will be spent on greeting cards. Breaking this down by gender sort of explains the social networking pattern of men following women on line; of all these billions being spent, men will outspend women almost two to one: $163.37 to $84.72. With the average person spending $119.67. I bet you’re wondering when your partner is gonna even out the averages, right? So anyway, given this focus on self and commerce for Valentine’s day, we’re continuing our tradition of opportunistic holiday Amazon product linking. If you really love us, consider buying something via those links once in awhile! So, we’ve already covered the most amusing Valentine gifts we could find, but at the end were left with a little question: who the HELL ever thought of giving kitchenware as a VALENTINE gift? Yes, nothing says “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman” like a Tovolo Heart Shaped Spatula
Valentines Day & Love Is Like Christmas At The Mall & Jesus
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on February 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Monday, February 1st, 2010Valentine’s Day is more than a Hallmark holiday, it’s a time of fear, hope, rejection, and opportunistic product links.
  Let your man know how you feel, with a Power Gauge Erectile Quality Monitor |
I’m glad I’m not a romantic Chinese Catholic guy who lives in New Orleans; this February would be a rough month with Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, and Ash Wednesday all falling in the same week. Yes, after the almost holiday-free month of January, the holidays dig back in with a vengeance in February. As always, there are opportunistically scheduled health awareness programs with no clever marketing plans, like American Heart Month, which is presumably scheduled to coincide somehow with Valentine’s Day. Or Sinus Pain Awareness Month, which is scheduled to coincide with… oh. Never mind. As someone who occasionally experiences sinus pain, I just want to say I’d prefer not to have a whole month to make me aware of it. For most of us though, February means Valentine’s Day, and for people like me, Valentine’s Day means lots of opportunities to insert offbeat product links into cynical articles about the holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually quite a romantic. But the big VD seems to bring the same vibe to love that Christmas at the mall brings to Jesus. If you’ve ever waited tables, you’ve been on the front lines of the battlefield of love, and know what I mean. When you wait tables on Valentine’s Day, you get to see the penultimate expression of what the holiday is really all about: people who usually live in their jeans and hoodies wearing rented tuxes and recently-purchased dresses they barely fit into, people whose idea of a three course meal is supersizing at the drive-thru suddenly trying to figure out that extra fork, and the sickening tension of a room full of first dates and soon to be accepted or rejected marriage proposals. I can’t tell you how many times I called a cab for a sobbing woman who had just said “no” to her suitor. So yes, rest assured we’ll be back throughout the month with more thoughts on Valentine gift ideas. Because nothing says “I love you” like a Power Gauge Erectile Quality Monitor
Valentine’s Day 2009: Don’t Have A Black Saturday
[ Add A Comment ]Posted on February 13, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Friday, February 13th, 2009Take control of your love life
If you haven’t finished your Valentine shopping by now, you may have a Black Saturday hot on the heels of your Black Friday. We’ve already offered up some Valentine Day suggestions here and here , but we have just a couple more thoughts. First of all, if you’re a woman, you might consider helping your man buy the gifts you want with a Control Your Man Talking Remote
Valentine’s Day 2009: Is That Love Gun Loaded?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on February 3, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009Nothing says “I Love You” Like $40,000
 $40,000 Of Pure Love |
Thinking of getting your partner a diamond for Valentine’s Day? Well, as they say Nothing Says ‘I love you’ Like a Superficial and Overvalued Rock Clawed From the Guts of The Earth by African Slave Labor. And on that note, nothing says “Disposable Income” like a Blancpain Womens Ultra-slim Valentine’s edition watch. Only $40,800 USD. A bit steep for your budget? Do V-Day on the cheap with a Blancpain Camelia
