Democrats, Republicans…who can tell them apart these days? That’s why I’ve decided to throw my own little party. The Punk Party. Help me with some bumper sticker ideas for the party you’re not invited to.
I was pretty excited about the 2000 presidential election. Which was quite a turnaround from 1980, when I was protesting the reinstatement of draft registration, and 1984 and 1988, when I didn’t even vote. I reluctantly voted for that horndog con man Clinton in ’92, but only because I was tired of having a warmongering former CIA director as president. And you can’t deny the 90′s were pretty okay in a lot of ways. In 2000, I was bummed that we were stuck with that stick-up-his-ass twit Al Gore as the democratic candidate, but I voted for the jerk anyway, because it was better than helping build the Bush oligarchy or wasting a vote on somebody like Nader. And then democracy was hijacked. The numbers are the numbers, and a court decided the election, not the voters. And anybody who denies that is, well, in denial. So of course, with the meat puppet GW Bush dancing on the strings of the militaristic New American Century neocons, before you knew it we’d been attacked by terrorists again, and had started two wars. I still find it interesting that half of America is out for Muslim blood for 9/11. I mean, why didn’t everybody develop an irrational fear and murderous hatred of rednecks from New York and Michigan after Oklahoma City? So 2004 rolls around, and America’s still in a state of fear and panic, mostly thanks to the neocons fueling it, and then we have another election hijacked. Even Chris Hitchens thought so. To me, the only thing more appalling than the brazenness of THAT little stunt was the fact that there weren’t riots the day after election day. So we endure four more years of paranoia, some failing wars, and a decimated economy, and then the weirdest thing in the world happens. America elects a black president. L~a~a~a~a~a [INSERT ANGELIC CHOIR SOUND]. Hallelujah. The world is born anew. Our savior has arrived! But wait… it turns out he’s the same-old-same-old rich guy in Washington, he just has a higher IQ than the last guy. Oh, wait. Hold on. What’s this? Fox has some breaking news. What? He’s a Muslim? He has no BIRTH CERTIFICATE? He’s a GODDAMN SOCIALIST hell bent on DESTROYING AMERICA? Shit. I bet he’s gay too. I have to confess that the only thing that creeps me out more than a politician these days is the people that vote for them. And by that I mean the average American voter. Never have so many had so much information available….and IGNORED it. In my opinion, Public Enemy Number One is Rupert Murdoch, with the citizens who hungrily devour his news machine’s crumbs of disinformation like they’re Big Macs or something running a tight second. I’m sorry, you don’t know who Rupert Murdoch is? He’s a foreigner. An Australian with a socialist background. And the owner of most of the biggest news sources in America. So. With almost every moderately intelligent person I know taking sides in the “Glenn Beck vs Keith Olbermann Sentiment Election of 2010″, I’ve finally given up. I’m forming my own party, and I don’t care if you join me. I wouldn’t mind some thoughts on taglines and graphics though, so feel free to share any ideas you have for the party no-one is invited to, the Punk Party.