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When Did Americans Become Such Chickenshit Crybabies?

Topics: Lifestyle & Culture | 7 CommentsBy admin | April 30, 2009

I mean, my generation grew up prepared for NUCLEAR WAR, for cryin’ out loud. I hardly think a scary coloring book would’ve phased us.


Yes little Billy, we’re all
going to die. Eventually.
Get used to it!

On top of the recent swine flu panic and the panic in the skies of New York, the hubbub about the FEMA produced children’s coloring book (get the whole thing here as a PDF, 3.5MB) got me thinking again about what a bunch of sissy crybabies Americans have become. I keep seeing images in my head of thousands of surgical mask-clad citizens running to and fro like Godzilla movie extras every time a plane flies too low over their city. When half the world has to deal with bombs (often American ones) falling on their houses, starvation and poverty every day, where do we get off whimpering about things like the flu and government-produced children’s coloring books? I mean, take a look at what Chinese kids get to color, and I don’t recall reading about any Columbine-like incidents in China lately. Chill out, America, everything will be fine. On that note, let me help you. Why not kick back with the Gangsta Rap Coloring Book or the O.J. Simpson Coloring & Activity Book? Or my fave, The Executive Coloring Book,  which includes pages like “This is my suit. Color it gray or I will lose my job“. And remember, it’s okay to color outside the lines if you feel like it.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Lam Yam-Ying on 04.30.09 4:05 pm

    OMFG!!! I almost peed myself…

  2. Posted by TeacherPatti on 04.30.09 4:35 pm

    And why the hell did the entire Woodhaven DISTRICT close its schools??? I thought it was just one kid in one school who MIGHT be affected??? WTF????

  3. Posted by admin on 04.30.09 5:14 pm

    R-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-N-N-N-N! WE’RE ALL GOING TO D-I-I-I-I-E!

    Of anxiety-induced heart conditions.

    ;)

  4. Posted by eDWeiRD on 04.30.09 7:53 pm

    We just got told today that if there is a case in Washtenaw that we will shut down for a week.

  5. Posted by The Terrorists Have Finally Won at dissociatedpress.com on 09.10.10 1:16 am

    [...] psyche still seems to be reeling from the events. I like to think that we’re not a bunch of Chickenshit Crybabies, but I never seem to see evidence to the contrary. Don’t tell me again about the tragedy of [...]

  6. Posted by Nicole on 12.09.10 10:57 am

    I woke up one day, and heard somebody on NPR breathlessly relating her shocked indignation at having learned that some child, somewhere in San Diego had … (wait for it) …. MEASLES!

    Now I love NPR, but wouldn’t this have been a wonderful opportunity for them to expose some perspective? Like how, just a generation ago, practically everybody got measles, that it was treatable, and that it was understood to be a part of growing up – after which we’d be immune? Almost every kid I knew growing up got measles at some point, and none of them died or suffered permanent damage from it. Now it’s true that I grew up in a very small town, but still. It’s embarrassing to look back and remember that our elders considered our generation “soft” and “pampered” because we didn’t have to live through the depression and the war.

  7. Posted by Hope & Change You Can Be Bereaving | dissociatedpress.com on 01.22.11 12:41 am

    [...] couple of years ago, I asked When Did Americans Become Such Chickenshit Crybabies?, so it was kind of a relief when Patrick Smith, the “Ask the Pilot” guy, went public [...]